Wednesday, June 07, 2006


Is the day! I am so nervous already...I can't imagine how bad it is going to be tonight just before I get up there. And...Wednesday night usually isn't soooo bad. Most of the adults are helping with AWANA with the children so there is usually less than 70 or so in the sanctuary...not so bad huh???? Well, Last week was the last week for guess where the adults are going to be????????????????? SO that # is going to close to double!

To make matters brother is coming into town tonight. Hopefully not in time for church, but more than likely YES and he has such a wonderful voice. He sings ALL the time, but not gospel music...he is a country/blue grass singer. But, when he does sing a gospel song it just blows me away!

I haven't seen Johnny in a long time. I don't think I even got to see him when we went home for Christmas. I miss him a lot. Out of all of my brothers, I felt the closest to him. But now that I am in Myrtle Beach, we haven't kept in touch like I would like. I try to call but he is so busy with his job and with Susie and life...I understand why he can't call me sometimes.

Oooo please say a prayer for me today!!

Tuesday, June 06, 2006

Prayers Answered!

At the end of nearly every service, our pastor asks for a show of hands for unspoken prayer requests. A few Sunday's during altar call, Scott and I went forward to pray. Though our baby journey is always near the top of the list...Scott's brother Chris has been weighing so heavy on our hearts that he has been the subject of many of those prayers. I have sat and watched Scott weep ... SOB even over things concerning Chris. Scott loves his brother so much, it really is a beautiful thing. Scott and Chris have talked about a business together and Scott has been worried about partnering with anyone that is not walking with Christ.

We invited Chris to live with us a few months ago and when we moved into the house, he took us up on the invitation. Chris was in a bad place in his life. Him and Amanda had separated about this time last year I guess, the kids went with her. This divided some of their friendships and I am sure Chris felt alone. There were so many things said by people about why they separated and who was at fault. I am not going in depth about them, but most left me with a not so happy feeling with either of them. All I could think about were the babies. But, the kids are so loved by both Amanda and Chris that they handled it better than the rest of us. I never spoke to Amanda about any of the things said to me, and as an after thought.... I should have probably. I never wanted Chris to marry her if they weren't in love with each other and I was starting to doubt it, but really believed they did. But, marriage based on kids or obligation or anything other than love and trust and commitment to each other is more than likely going to end very ugly.

Even though Scott and I knew that his parents would blame Scott and I for taking Chris away from them, we just wanted what was best for Chris. All of the people we are around are Christians and I hoped that this influence would be what Chris would need. One of the rules was that Chris would go to church with us. But, Chris likes church I think. I watch him during the services and he drinks it in. He loves prophecy and we have a lot of that in our church. We just really felt that Chris needed a change of environments. I hate that Scott felt in the middle, he really did get scolded by his mother.

Sooo... It has been over a month now since Chris has came to live with us and I can see such a change in him. He got a job the first week at a printing company doing what he did when he worked with his dad. He goes to church with us regularly and hangs out with people from church playing golf and such.

But, I really was worried for a bit. He was chatting online with some in particular (and I know some people really do find their soul mates there), and he was getting in deep I think. I had a horrible feeling about it from the first day he told me a little about her. But, I knew he was hurting...I knew he loved and STILL loved Amanda. He was trying to fill the emptiness he was feeling from losing her. This one girl, I just knew she wasn't who she said she was. There was too many bizarre things that happened to one person. And every time she was supposed to meet Chris, she would disappear for a few days then come back with this outrageous story.

Well, last weekend (Memorial day weekend) Chris went home to see the kids and family. He called us a lot and told us that Amanda cried every time they saw each other. Even before he told us this, Scott and I had talked about inviting Amanda and the babies down while she wasn't working so that the kids could see us and Chris. Then last Tuesday, Chris calls me at work. He said... what would you think about Amanda coming to visit and maybe them working on things. I was dumbstruck a little at first. I told him, I thought that would be awesome and that if that was something they really wanted then I would be behind them all the way. All I wanted is for Chris to be happy. I told him that this wouldn't work though if they can't TOTALLY forgive each other for things each of them have done to hurt the other, and not throw things up into each others faces. Also, if God wasn't in this it will never work. If they want to make this a family again, they had to make a commitment to each other instead of just living together. I told him we would talk later when we got home, but if he wanted to let her know it was ok that was fine. When we got home we talked a while. He said he does still love her, he never stopped he was just stupid and confused and hurting. I told him to really pray about it and he said he had been. :) He said it just felt right.

So, he talked to her and they came to Myrtle Beach on Friday night. Chirsten and Caleb were soooooooooo cute, I hadn't realized how much I missed them until they hugged my neck. Amanda looked great too, she has lost all the baby weight now and just looked so pretty. I didn't know how things would be. Christmas the conversation was very minimal between us, I just didn't know how to act then. So, I just acted normal. (YES, I CAN BE NORMAL!) We grilled out and just spent the evening with the kids laughing and having a good time. The whole weekend went great. We all went to church on Sunday morning and then out to the mall for lunch. Chris and Amanda and the kids went to walk around the mall and later I found out they actually looked at rings!!

Sunday night, Scott, Chris and I went to church and it was a great message about the Garden of Eden and the invitation centered on living our lives for Christ and doing things we were supposed to do and turning from Satan. I could hear Chris sniffling a little then I felt his hand wrap around mine. We were all standing and I turned and hugged him and realized all those prayers Scott and I prayed for him were being answered, we both cried. And when he asked for unspoken prayer requests, I realized I could move Chris down a little and pray for his family. HIS family...that sounds good. They have been broken for so long, only God could mend this and He is. I heard them tell each other they loved the other. I am so happy for Chris. He is such a wonderful boy...ok Man now and he has such potential. He has fathered two beautiful babies and is so good with them. He loves so deeply, and he is a hugger, he loves to laugh, he has a beautiful smile and dimples. I had forgotten some of these things over the last few years. I think some of them had been muted by some choices he was making. I wonder sometimes why God led us to move to Myrtle Beach. And if His grand plan was to help us help Chris in any small way to better his life I hope we are doing what He wants! I do know the move here has made our walk with our Lord deeper, more intense, more evident in things we do and say.

Well, to cap off this entry... Amanda and Chris are officially going to try to get back together. They had a great weekend, she is going back to NC today to get Chirsten back for gymnastics. But... and this is the kicker... She is going to talk to their realtor friend and list the house and hopefully move her and the babies here soon.

When John and Lena hear this, I am sure that it is going to be very hard for them. Their lives have been completely about the babies. But, maybe this will give them sometime to be together as a couple and not as parents and not as grandparents. But, my biggest fear is that they will blame Scott...and me for taking them away from them. I hope it doesn't come to that. I hope they see that bringing the family unit back together with Christ in the middle can be the best thing for Chris and Amanda and those precious children.

Scott and I have felt disconnected from John and Lena for a while now and I hope that all of this doesn't make it worse. Time will tell. All we can do is turn it over to God and let go. All I know is, Chris has been the happiest I had seen him in a long time since he has been here. And then, when Amanda and the kids got can multiply that by 100!

Sooo I guess we will have a full house! My parents are coming this weekend...well, that is the plan!! It has been in the works for over a month now! So when Amanda and the kids come I am not sure how we will work it out but we will. Only thing that keeps me they are not married and I have my own convictions about them sleeping together in my house. Especially with my parents there. My daddy said he would marry them! ha ha. I am just so happy for them both! I just want what is best for them both....I love them and those children so much.

WOW I had a lot to say huh?