I must tell Jesus

I must tell Jesus all of my trials,
I cannot bear these burdens alone;
In my distress He kindly will help me,
He ever loves and cares for His own.

I must tell Jesus! I must tell Jesus!
I cannot bear my burdens alone;
I must tell Jesus! I must tell Jesus!
Jesus can help me, Jesus alone.

I must tell Jesus all of my troubles,
He is a kind, compassionate Friend;
If I but ask Him He will deliver,
Make of my troubles quickly an end.

Tempted and tried I need a great Savior,
One who can help my burdens to bear;
I must tell Jesus, I must tell Jesus:
He all my cares and sorrows will share.

pictures

Sunrise

This was one of the pictures from Santee...was sunrise! The trip was good, a lot of rest. I missed all the business that used to accompany a trip to Santee. I did enjoy my parents and brother a lot though! More pictures to come.

Inquiring minds...

wanna know what Camera I am using. I am using the Canon Digital Rebel XT SLR...hoping Santa brings me the newest Canon for Christmas.

I LOVE it!

Ta Ta for now

I am bouncing in my seat - if possible. My heart just skips a beat every time I think of tomorrow.

Tomorrow - my parents and I hit the road.
Tomorrow- family will start trickling in from day to day.
Tomorrow- as we pull up into the drive way and daddy unlocks the house I will run (in my best and least painful run) to the back glass door, down the steps of the deck...down the familiar path that I can walk in the dark with no lights...down the wooden pier to the end and take a few deep breaths as I look out across the lake that my family has visited since I was about 10. (My father fished there with Roland Martin long before I was born).

I loved the beach, but there is something about this lake. Santee Cooper in South Carolina. Lake Marion to some. This is the true meaning of vacation. We used to stay at this judges house my dad knew, then dad met up with this woman called Gaynelle ( couldn't make that up if I tried!). She is a super sweet lady, she has a daughter named Little Gaynelle :p...still not kidding. She lives in a house with a helicopter pad, huge hunting land...just awesome. She has a house she rents out - mostly to hunters, but her and mom and dad hit it off and we started going there every year...two or more times a year. It isn't fancy by any means - the judges house was and it kind of made us all work harder to be neater and such. While we still like it clean, no one freaks out if you run in with sand on your feet or so excited about the crappie you just caught that you run through the house with it dripping a little :). It is homey, has a pool table for those rainy days or those way too hot days....also great for those 3 a.m. pool tournaments!! We have had more than 20 staying. There is a piano too and some of my favorite memories have been hearing Mark play the piano and make it sound in tune. Johnny too has that talent.

Mom and dad loved Santee so much they bought a house there, we all loved it. Then dad got sick and he sold it. But we always had the Clarendon Club! But we haven't been there really in almost 10 years I guess. We stayed at Johnny's place a few times...but nothing is like this house.

TV is just local chanels, it is 10 miles from the highway I think and unless you have your cell phone you don't have to worry about phone calls. I just can't wait.

I have packed enough yarn to knit and crochet a blanket to cover the house haha. Camera is ready to go too - I promise some pictures. I can't wait to spend some time with family and hopefully catch a few fish.

I will post soon as I get back! ((HUGS))

one of our biggest catches!! HOOOOGE catfish!

umm did I mention there are gators there and we swim in that water!?!?!

Brad and his big catch...that was about 15 years ago - aww

Daddy and Johnny in front of 'our' house...yumm at the fish fry!

you know you wanna be there too!!

I wish I were alone.

I wish that I were the only one in the world who prayed for God to answer my prayer tonight...you know that prayer about us having a baby.

I wish that it was just me who couldn't drift right off to sleep without sighing...thinking about the empty room down the hall.

I wish it were only me who got choked up seeing an old friend after a few years when they asked me about our kids.

I wish on every star above that I alone avoided the baby aisle like satan himself was going to jump out at me if I dared to turn my buggy in that direction.

I wish I were alone.

Why can't it just be me who gets that knot the size of Alaska in my stomach when mother's day approaches (father's day too)?

What I wouldn't give to be the one who smiled when the "We're pregnant" announcement was made...to just sneak out shortly to my car to let the stream of tears fall.

If it was just me there would be no need for IVF or reproductive endocrinologists, fertility clinics, fertility drugs, shots. Others wouldn't feel like they have road the 'wand' so many times they should get frequent flyer miles!

If it were just me, the pain wouldn't change. I still would feel empty. Whoever came up with the quote misery loves company should have put an asterisk there to say * except for people with infertility*. I wish that something silly or creative brought me together with these wonderful people I have met here and there. I am saddened that our first thread of communication started from pain that can't be described properly.

I wish I were alone.

I wish I were the only one who watched their husbands ache to be called daddy and it hasn't happened.
I wish it were just me who declined baby showers due to self preservation.
I wish it were only me who felt left out of the PTA, potty training, swimming lessons, 'family' time, and the spit up club where they wear it like perfume or something.
I want to be the only one who sees some stupid commercial and cries or some movie...heck even some cartoon movie like Meet the Robinson's (which I will deny to have watched more times than Officer and A Gentleman, Ghost, Pride and Prejudice all together...I can deny it this is my blog!).

I wish I were alone....

But I am not.

So many precious people I have met (here and in person) share this struggle.
I am not the only one who buys things here and there ... having the hope that one day our child will need this.
In that same respect I am not the only one who eventually gives it to someone when that faith wanes.
If on mother's day - all the tears from every woman longing to be celebrated as well were collected we could fill a few Olympic sized pools easily - I am not alone.
Even when we don't tell others, I know I am not alone in feeling almost like I am suffocating as Christmas inches closer and closer.
I am not the only one who has every intention of buying real gifts for the children in my life and sometimes stuff cash in a card and hand it over.
I am not the only one unfortunately who avoids the mall at Christmas like a man avoids the tampon aisle. This girl likes to shop, but my heart can't handle the lines of strollers filled with the cutest little faces all waiting to tell Santa what they want for Christmas.
I know that it isn't just me who bites her tongue (most of the time) until it bleeds when well meaning relatives (mostly old aunts for some reason) tell us "Just relax - don't think about it...your cousin's mother's uncle's nieces twice removed sister went on vacation and got pregnant...she relaxed". *For those times I can't bite my tongue I reply..."ummm Aunt Millie...her husband didn't go on vacation with her - he was in jail remember? When they get Valium for the ovary problem I have and it will help - lemme know!"

I am not alone.

I could list every person I know and have encountered that share this *ugh stuck for a word that can express it...sigh - nothing* sadness and it would take me all night and day and then some to put them all here. But you know you have some of those people who you just feel like you have joined elbows with and are walking on and on. And when one of us get discouraged and weak, tired, angry, confused, broken...we know that we are being carried by the others in our chain of elbows. We know that someone is lifting us up in prayer, just thinking about us, calling or writing...something. We all wish that no one had to experience this with us - that we carried this burden alone - we all wish it. *Wish in one hand and poop in the other - see which one fills up first...my brother in law says all the time* But we are here. Some days are better than others, some things we can handle and some things are so heavy we can't take another step.

So many have inspired me and carried me when they didn't even know it.

It is 2:30 in the a.m. Pillow is soaked, Scott is snoring, I gotta pee (sure you wanted to know that). (Pillow is soaked with tears...not pee - I know Burt would have said something smart about that!) I go tomorrow for the second nerve block, this one did good for about 2 weeks and it was like someone flipped a switch on Monday or so...and I am back to walking like the hunchback and saying 'oy' way too much. Pain meds aren't touching it; physically I am back where I was. But that ray of hope that I can have days where I can think outside of the pain, where I can drive, where I can make love *sorry Misti, Cara and other family...I know you really didn't want to know that*...that has helped me emotionally and mentally more than anything.

I have to have a beta done before they will do it, the meds and the fluoroscope can be detrimental to a baby. I would endure whatever pain I had to for them to come back and say we can't do the block you are pregnant. Which I know will not happen - Aunt Flow...Aunt Millies sister is visiting ha ha.

This is a crazy post I know. I was watching the clock and when it is all one number like 11:11 or 2:22 or 1:11 I say an extra prayer. It was 1:11 am and I started praying for family and friends, for Amanda and the craziness she is being put through, for Rebekah to fill up that beautiful nursery, for Robyn to not go through this next IVF and still be in the ranks of 'married - no children'. I had so many I was praying for and I asked God to just let me be alone in infertility land, I could take it. Lord - I can do anything with You in my life. Yeah, I knew that was like asking for a money tree to sprout in my yard with enough seedlings to start my own forest...don't ask for that tree...I have asked many times and I just don't think it is happening.

I should be in bed - well I am in bed but I should be asleep. Well it is 3:15 I better turn this off. If you got down this far - it isn't that I don't want you here...as in my life...I just wish you weren't HERE..you know...here where our arms are empty.

Random picture post...

I got a new lens for my camera and have been playing a little with it. I saw the cat in the yard and sat on the poarch and thought I would zoom in a bit. Aww he is licking his lips...how cute...NOT



Not so sweet...he has a MOUSE...poor thing, gross...I even yelled gross!

That is when he looked up at me like I was stealing his prize...ick

This a picture at the lake, the trees and water was so pretty - it was so warm that day...

This was another picture that day...wished I was out on that boat. This girl LOVES to fish!

The rest of these were just some random pictures I took here and there. I love this tree in our yard, the leaves are always magnificent!

I was taking some pictures of dads flowers and spotted this honey bee. He raises bees so I am sure it was one of his. Just loved catching it and the bumble bee too.

This picture was taken at Kobe's in Hickory after eating dinner there for Chirsten's 8th birthday. Aunt Shirley, Lena, Scott, Me, Caleb, Chirsten, John and Amanda. I am so blessed that Scott chose to share his wonderful family with me.

Little this and that...

The block afforded me the ability to go to the beauty shop! I haven't been able to really sit in the chair and lean back in the chair to wash my hair...so I got my hair cut, put on some make up and enjoyed my scalp massage!

The beach was amazing. Rest and a little shopping can nearly cure what ails ya!

I tried out my new lens and took this shot of the moon...soo much fun!

• first and foremost - Jubilee blessed my soul, spirit, heart...whew, all that and everywhere in between! The music was amazing, songs that speak right to where I needed some healing. The preachers preached right to me! My cup runneth over! 4 words impacted me the most...In EVERYTHING give Thanks!! I was 'not so gently' reminded that He puts things in my life for a reason - good or bad. For every bad thing there are two (or more) good things and that one bad thing gets more powerful and I forget to be thankful.
  
• Time with my mom was a balm like none other. I don't always have extra money to spend on her, but watching her eyes light up is worth it all. Snuggling up with her, talking to her about silly stuff or her favorite - God stuff. Laughing so hard with her that tears flow and sometimes even snot (I am sure you wanted to know that). Watching her getting lost in thought while staring at God's ocean. Hearing her sing How great Thou art softly. As a teen thinking that my life would be so much more fun when I get out of the house and away from mom...and now as a grown woman grasping for every minute to spend with her. Sitting with her in church, watching her eyes well up with tears and seeing them splash down her cheeks. Some people when God moves them praise the Lord, they raise their hands, stand up...my mother sobs, she cries like a baby...can't control it kind of cry - and that is me too!

• Time with my Aunt Louise and her daughter Lori and granddaughter Courtney was wonderful too. We are so much alike. We laugh with our whole bodies! Sometimes not even knowing what we are laughing at - but still cackling. Courtney and I are a lot alike too I think, she is silly and loves to make people smile and loves the Lord with all our hearts. She is a homebody too, she would rather be with family than anyone else in the world. We pulled pranks on each other and everyone else...including Scott haha. I really want to start spending more time with her.
  
Mom and Courtney...she is so sweet...well, they both are!



Courtney and me.




• The weather was divine...never below 70 and always sunny skies. The pools were warm and we swam outside and inside even at night. The dolphins were playing, kids running on the beach...so wonderful. The hotel was the best hotel ever. We had a 3 bedroom condo and it was perfect. The staff and food was great, and my only complaint was parking and all the golfers. Though mom made them fun too...we would get on the elevator with a group of them and the elevator would say..."This elevator is going down". My mom would giggle and say we might be going down now but one day soon Jesus is gonna be taking us up! I just don't know if those golfers knew what to say. She left gospel tracts everywhere.


• But the best was time with the Huggins. Colin and Jack Henry are dolls, Colin has grown up so much. He has such a great big vocabulary and he almost always uses full sentences. He would say I want to see the dragon, mommy or Guess what I want for Christmas Hopie. Ask him if he liked something and he would say Yes I do mommy....so cute. Him and Scott played a lot...they were so funny together. But hugging Leslie and Burt, spending time with them...having dinner, laughing and catching up was more than amazing. We couldn't get enough of them...they took us to the Mellow Mushroom for pizza - AHH best ever! Colin is in LOVE with Scooby Doo and he kept saying he wanted the doughnut Scooby Doo...I was like what?? FINALLY Leslie told me he wanted the grown up Scooby Doo movie. Burt couldn't find it so Scott went through the movies at Wal-Mart and found it - you should have seen his eyes. Ooo we love them so much.

This is Jack Henry...look at those eyes. He is such a good baby, Colin is so cute with him too!

Colin and I shared extreme air heads...super sour! We had fun. Oooo look at them eyes! I could just eat him up!
Leslie and Jack Henry...he looks so much like her. Gosh it was so good to just hang out!
Colin and Daddy Burt...he is such a good daddy but don't tell him I said so...as you can tell his head is big enough HAHA!

The best/worst part of the trip...goodbye hugs and lovin'. Scott just can't stop talking about Colin and how he has grown and how smart he is. Scott said his favorite cartoons as a child was Scooby Doo too! We love them all so much, Scott and I had our share of tears heading back to the hotel that night. Hating that we miss a lot with the boys. Praying for a child soon so they can sorta all grow up together. I learn so much from Leslie and Burt, they are such great parents and they have so many of the same styles and such we would love to use with our own children.

Scott and I got to spend some wonderful time together *wink*. We laid down in bed about 9 one night and fell asleep just snuggling and slept until 11 the next morning.

I really was wonderful, leaving was the worst part...I miss it all. But I came home with a smile, feeling more like me than I had in a LONG time. The block is wearing off but knowing there can be times without debilitating pain has renewed a lot in my heart.

******************************
Ok...just got back from the doctor and he walked in, looked at his chart, looked back up at me then said Hope?? What's up with you?? You have had a hair cut, got make up on and wearing something other than sweats - AND you are smiling! I just laughed and told him how I felt better with the nerve block and that just knowing that there is something that will give me relief even if just for a short time has changed my whole aspect. I told him that the new doctor laid it out, didn't sugar coat anything...just said it how it is! He told me that the nerve was damaged, that there was scar tissue and inflammation and this was going to be something I deal with for the rest of my life. I guess that should have been upsetting...but I found relief in having something definite said to me. The false hope of well, maybe it will get better in a year, ... blah blah blah...that was so hard because every day I woke up saying ok Lord, is this the day?

The block has worn off pretty much but even that little bit of relief was enough to change - well let me be me again. I think it is next week I go for the next one. I never thought I would be excited to get stuck with a huuuge needle.

Just an aside...HUMMUS IS DELISH! I had never tasted it, and while at the beach we went to the Mellow Mushroom for pizza and tasted it and wowza! We loved their pizza too, we ate lunch there on the way home and though Scott said he would NEVER eat hummus again, I made him taste it and he ate more than I did - HE LOVED IT! So today we found a new place in Hickory Jason's Deli and it was the best salad bar EVER (I have capped a lot of words in the paragraph huh?). They also had red pepper hummus - slurp. Speaking of hummus, we stopped by Sam's and lo and behold they were sampling hummus! This cranberry hummus and the roasted red pepper...we bought both!

Ok gonna load up some pictures of the trip and post them for ya's. I really don't know what all I said in this post because I had to leave for the docs...will probably think of more later. This was really done the next day.

*************************************

Friday night we went with John and Lena to get some Christmas decos for the yard and some things for the kids for Christmas. Holidays are SO hard. Scott and I would have to visit the tile aisle to keep the tears from drowning us. (we were in Lowes - they have great decos) When we left in our car, I told Scott how I wished that along with Chirsten and Caleb - John and Lena were decorating for our children. They are such great grandparents and while I fear losing my own parents before my child knows them, I share that same fear about John and Lena. They are such a blessing to me, more than in - laws. I love them so much. I know that some don't have that blessing of a great set of in laws, I do. They treat me like one of their own. John is a big picker on-er. Him and I go at it 24/7 when we are together. I tell him he is my favorite father in law...haha he is my only.

This is Saturday and we had a great day. We woke up and went with John and Lena to Boone/Blowing rock and the shops on the parkway. It snowed some while we were there...so pretty. We found some great deals and I found a beautiful purse...red! I am usually a simple black or brown purse. My most favorite is my black Coach purse. But I saw this in the Bass outlet and had to have it. Tag said 84 bux...that is a bit for me right now and I just knew I wouldn't spend that on a purse while I wasn't working. Well, there was a sign that said 60% off...hmm that is getting better! I had a 5 dollar off coupon and also a 20% off coupon. The cashier let me use all three discounts and I got the purse for 27 bucks. I am so excited.

Bought the kids a few things, I could have lived in oshgosh. When we do have kids (notice I said when and not if) Scott is gonna have to keep the keys/credit cards/cash/bank cards/checks locked up somewhere... I LOVE shopping for my kiddos. Had a great time shopping for Colin and Jack Henry at the beach.

I am gonna hit send soon...it is 1:20 am on Sunday morning. I can't sleep so I thought I would finish this up.

Boo

Figured it was Halloween so I would Booo ya!

Someone said you know you are hooked when you think about blogging and other bloggers when you are no where near a computer! me=hooked!

The last month or so has been pretty intense. My pain level jumped after a cold I had. I guess all the coughing and sneezing strained my back and I just could barely function. I was ill, cranky and just down right anti-social!

I was supposed to be going to IL for a wedding and I kept trying to tell Scott the pain wasn't that bad - I could make it. Finally the Sunday before I was to leave he made me promise to call the doctor. I went and had another MRI and saw the doctor. He upped some of my medications and added oxy_con_tin. I am petrified of narcotics - addiction is in my family and I don't want that battle. But I was hurting so bad, I knew I needed something. My doctor referred me to another surgeon who also is over a pain clinic. I went to see him this past Friday and after 822 bux I walked out with a smile on my face...ok it was a drug induced smile, but I felt better than I had in at least a year!

The doctor said that the MRI showed the nerve was inflamed and irritated. He said with that and the scar tissue from the surgeries I will more than likely always have to have pain control. He and my primary doctor discussed the spinal stimulator and decided to try the nerve block first. They put me on a table and my butt was up in the air...attractive mental image I know :), shot me up with some meds and then put some medications - including a steroid into my back to block the pain from getting to my brain.

I read my post op papers when I got home and missed the part that I would feel better for the first few hours due to the numbing medications and anesthesia...but it takes 3-7 days for the steroids to start working. I felt so good that night. The next day was a family reunion and I over did it...sigh. I rested though the last two days and am feeling some better. Not Friday night better but still better than I felt before the block.

I am hoping that this will be the ticket. He said he will give me three and if they help, that is indicative that the stimulator will help as well and will be permanent. They don't like giving me steroids due to my diabetes.

I do think about the blogs I follow all the time. I plan on catching up and hope to leave some messages here and there.

Gotta update my blog theme too...thinking snow - ohh we got some on our mountains today!! How crazy is that!?!

Thanks

For all the encouragement. I detest getting in that frame of mind.

Dad visited the doctors today and they didn't see anything new, just he is being really slow at getting over the funk he had. He called me and we talked for about an hour yesterday - unlike him really, but he was at the VA hospital in Asheville and they were being extremely slow. We just chatted about random things, I asked him about going to Santee fishing maybe in a month or so and he seemed so disinterested. Besides all things God, fishing and golfing are his passions. I just don't know how to react to it. SIGH

Other than that, we started a strict budget for the Mr. and I. The effects of me not working have caught up with us financially and we have got to do something. So, I created an Excel spreadsheet budget thingy and already am amazed at how much we spend. We aren't changing too much this month just really watching where it is going and then November 1st, we will pass out from the lack of money in our bank account and where it went. YUCK!

Spending tomorrow with Lena...kinda strange, her and I have gotten so close. And as Kooo Kooooo as this may sound...I actually love being with my mother in law. Go ahead call me crazy!

Anyone else have trouble deciding what to watch with all the new things on TV? So much I wanted to keep up with but have no time to really watch them. I asked Scott when Hero's and Lost was coming back on and he said..."Um, Hun...already on!"

I am making the cutest afghans! One is for Caleb and it is a spiderman web looking one - super cute! I have to have a few going at once because I get bored working on the same thing over and over. I have made some hats and scarves for some kiddos in IL that I am going to see soon. Umm, I have found a super cute hat and poncho to make for Italy and Ida Hope.

When miss Rebekah gives me the colors she wants I am gonna start on her baby blanket...here it is - can use whatever colors you want - thought some lime-ish green would be pretty in there somewhere too!

hmm guess that is all.

Scott and Hope...

Sitting in a tree
K-I-S-S-I-N-G
First came love,
Second came marriage,
Then here comes Hope pushing...umm, well...nothing.

From the time of my first crush (Steve Penland a friend of my brothers...I was like 10 and he was like 25...but he was so cute!) Anyways - we all have had that said about us, we believed that is how it happens. I followed the rules dang it, where is my flipping baby carriage!?!

I have been trying, I have been praying. I want some peace until things are right to start our adoption journey. But then I have days like today or yesterday and I just feel my heart is broken and that every day it breaks a little more.

Friday we got Italy, we went to John and Lena's (our inlaws) and spent the night with her...and with the Chirsten and Caleb. Italy was fussy - first time being fussy with us. She is teething and had a little cold. But the no sleep and worry and her being high maintenance was worth it just to see her little smile the next morning when we woke up.

Saturday afternoon after the kids had left, I gave her a bath and was getting her ready to go home. John and Lena came into the bedroom and all four of us were hanging out with Italy passing her around basically. John was the biggest hit, she just laughed and cooed and flirted with him...it was precious. John loved it too. I sat back tears teetering feeling the crushing weight of the realization that this isn't our time really. This isn't PawPaw John entertaining his granddaughter. This wasn't my baby hanging out with her daddy and MawMaw. This wasn't a memory to write down in her baby book. She isn't mine. Ohh I would love for her to be, you should see her!

When we took her home, I cried all the way there. I tell Kita and Brad about her cold and what we did for her teething. Then watched as they carried her into the house. I want to see her all I can, but the pain of giving her up after a few days is so hard. I swear I heard her last night and started to ask Scott if he would check on her. Lena even said she thought she heard her twice. I got in bed and finally had my true meltdown. Held by the best husband ever made. He wrapped me up and soaked up all my tears and fears and told me he loved me and for a short period of time all was right with my world. You have probably realized that I am a drama queen to a point - I cry at commercials sometimes!!

My daddy isn't doing well. He has always been a rock. He is a smallish man, but he was a giant in my eyes growing up and even up until the last month or so he was invincible. He had pneumonia a few weeks ago and was in the hospital for a week. He thought he was feeling better and they let him come home. He has been so weak. This man who took care of two gardens, plowing, planting, picking...he did it all. I saw him on Sunday and was concerned. So I went and spent the night with them on Tuesday night - they LOVED that by the way :). I watched him when he walked and after every step he trembled. He held onto things when he walked. He stayed in bed most of the day.

Will he know my children? He told me he was tired and didn't know how much longer he could do this. I told him he still had a lot to do for our Lord and he has to teach me his pickling tricks. He smiled and then I said and you got to hang around to teach my children how to fish, tell them stories about Jesus, how to make things grow..so much. He didn't say a word, he didn't look at me. I just snuggled up with him and silently cried. He couldn't hear me crying anyways - he listens to the TV at maximum volume...and ALWAYS on Fox News!

I am blessed to have such great in laws, I get comfort knowing our children will have them...but my dad and mom...*GASP* I never dreamed when I was K-I-S-S-I-N-G in the tree that I wouldn't get to push the carriage. I always pictured my daddy out on the boat showing our child how to put the worm on the hook, or how to put the minnow on so it won't flip off and catch a big ole crappie. I want memories made of them coming in with a huge haul - or one skinny catfish. My daddy knows the Bible and teaches so well, I want him to teach our child things that will form his faith and make his love for God be stronger than any love in their lives. WHERE IS MY CARRIAGE!?!?

sorry for a blah post

Maybe this will turn it all around. My daddy walks in from being outside. He has coaxed these two baby chicks (they have lots of hens and roosters and they have babies - such a sweet sound baby chicks) he has coaxed them to eat out of his hand. Well now they are bigger and they jump on his lap to eat. He goes and gets fancy parrot food! Well, I was laying on the couch with Italy sleeping and all of a sudden I hear this gurgle gurgle and I look up and there stands my poppy with a chicken in his arms smiling from ear to ear. I busted out laughing at him and mom saw it and of course she shooed him out with it. He feels like crap and still tries to make those around him happy...best dad ever.

not much going on...

Hard to post regular when there isn't much going on. Had bronchitis, went to doc got meds almost over it. See B-O-R-I-N-G!

I feel like I am standing still. I am moody. Some family (and I use that term loosley) has forgotten what it means to love their kids without limits - especially when they are only 5! I can't talk about it, I just don't want to put it out there in the bloggerverse and one day he might see it or worse his dad and step mom sees it and I am sure it will make things worse.

I need a recharge or something. I have an exciting trip next month to a friends wedding. A friend I met on line actually. There are 11 of us that were TTC and we met and while there were a lot of women on that board, we all just clicked. I will be seeing at least 4 of them, maybe more! Kari and I will sing at the wedding, Jami is the Matron of Honor - it is all just a wonderful time to be had. I so NEED this!

Then almost as soon as I get home, Jubilee by The Sea will be happening! Talk about some recharging! Some of the best singers and preachers, missionaries gather at my old church in Myrtle Beach SC and if that all wasn't enough...the cherry on top of all of that...heck she is the whipped cream and chocolate too...I get to see Leslie and Burt and the boys! *whew got all teary eyed thinking about that*

November...another thanksgiving.
December...another Christmas and Scott's birthday.
January...another birthday for me.

Another year gone by. empty.

Snippet

I don't even know how to snippit this!

First, I didn't get Memphis last weekend. Due to some family things, we felt it was better to put all of our focus on Chirsten and Caleb.

They are going through so much right now. My brother in law and his wife and her son have made some decisions concerning the kids that have had reprecussions I don't think they expected. What started out to make some of us so angry has really turned into a blessing that some things are out and sadly for my brother in law it backfired from what he wanted/thought would happen.

But, Caleb and Chirsten will never forget all of this and shouldn't have to be going through it. They are two of the best behaved children I have ever been around, they are super loving and they never hesitate to do what it takes to make me smile. Pray for them, they need it so much. Pray for Amanda their mother, she is really a great mom and while we had our differences in the past...a lot of them were my own *you're having a baby and I'm not* kind of differences, she has matured and grown as a mother, woman, friend, and child of God.

Chris needs your prayers as well, he is close to losing his son's love. Chris has always had so much love from his family and he loved family time together. He has changed so much in the past year, I wish I could say for the good. They are out of church (I don't think church has ever been a part of her life). She is pregnant and the way it stands now that baby will never be a part of our lives.

Pray for John and Lena my in laws, they are having such a tough time. They love their grandchildren so much and would move heaven and earth to keep them safe. They are good Christian people who have tried to keep the kids in church and teach them right and wrong.

The kids have people praying for them so much, evil better watch out when you have God's children praying. Chirsten was just saved last year, and she loves to tell it!

Scott and I have both been sick all week with a fever, sore throat and coughing. I was the glorious recipient of a migraine mid week as well...thanks Dad! (I think I inherited them from him!) My dad was in the hospital with pneumonia for several days! He is home doing much better. My brother's house was broken into while he was out of town...he is obsessed with 100 dollar bills and had a roll of them in his bedroom. When him and his wife got home someone had taken the roll and a 1932 100 dollar bill that was in laminate. The detective got some prints - the theif(s) took the laminate off and left it on the floor. We went to the zoo with the kids on Saturday, got there and there were NO wheelchairs left (forgot it was labor day weekend) so I had to walk the entire zoo - C R A Z Y! I made it but took pain pills and slept for nearly 2 days straight. Still very sore but would have done anything to make those kids smile after the week they had.

hmm We had a birthday party for my mother on Friday night last week, was really fun. It was gonna be little but it grew and grew, which I am glad it did...she loves getting and giving love!

I will post pictures soon, have so many to choose from.

Please pray for Shannon too, she is so close to her wedding! Can't wait til she gets a box in the mail from me :)

Please pray for Kari, she is considering IVF and there are things that concern her.

Please pray for Christina and Carla, dear friends who are about to have their babies.

Please pray for Robyn - she is about to have her FET. She also has a praise, she had a scan and is 5 years cancer free! PRAISE THE LORD!

My friend Michelle lives in LA and is without power and such, she has a 1 year old!

ok this was longer than what I thought it would be...

Name Game

I have had so much going on in my life - and funny it isn't really anything to do with Scott or me really. Yet the concern and the pain of it is as real as if it were our own children going through it. I will post a snippet of it later.

Until then....

I am pooped so thought this would be a lazy day post :)

The Name Game
1.Your rock star name (first pet, current car): Rusty MG (couldn't make that up if I tried)

2.Your gangsta name (favorite ice cream flavor, favorite type of shoe): Black Cherry Clog

3.Your Native American name (favorite color, favorite animal): Purple Cat

4.Your soap opera name (middle name, city where you were born): Ellen Morganton

5.Your Star Wars name (the first 3 letters of your last name, first 2 of your first name): Hopil...hmm that could work

6.Superhero name (2nd favorite color, favorite drink): Green Tea (didn't fake this, I love lime green and love me some southern sweet tea!)

7.NASCAR name (the first names of your grandfathers): John Tom...not a great NASCAR Name...at least it isn't Dick Trickle :o

8.Dancer name (the name of your favorite perfume/cologne/scent, favorite candy): Lucky 3 Muskateers

9.TV weather anchor name (your 5th grade teacher’s last name, a major city that starts with the same letter): Rhyne Rochester

10.Spy name (your favorite season/holiday, flower): Spring Daisy

11.Cartoon name:(favorite fruit, article of clothing you’re wearing right now): Cherry PJs

12.Hippie name (what you ate for breakfast, your favorite tree): Frosted Flake Willow

13.Movie star name (first pet, first street where you lived): Rusty Jenkins

Your turn!

Haha