BRR...new church

Haha...not that it was cold in the new church...

Brr...been way cold! I think we got down to 4 degrees the other night...I know, that isn't as cold as other places but 4 degrees for NC is rare. It was up to 40 today but the fountain uptown is still frozen. Had to take a picture. This fountain is in front of the old Waldensian Church in Valdese, NC.


This is the sweetest girl around playing with the ice...scaring her mawmaw to death while she hung over the side to pick up the ice out of the pool.

We visited a new church today - Tri City Baptist. The pastor was out on vacation and the associate pastor preached. (This or something similar happens a lot to us, the last church we visited the pastor retired the Sunday before!) The associate pastor was great though, if the pastor is as good as him we will be impressed. The choir was awesome, they have an orchestra which was so cool too. The church is bigger than any we have ever attended. Grand Strand in Myrtle Beach was big, but this one is about twice the size. That fact alone made me hesitant, but people were so friendly and they made you feel very welcome.

I am picky about the music where ever we visit. I like contemporary music but I also like hymns too. So far every church we visited has been either one or the other...this one was blended like our church is in Myrtle Beach...so YAY! The church has a casual feel to it too, I don't mean jeans and t-shirts but not all the men wore suit and ties and the women didn't all wear hats and super dressy dresses.

They had two young people get baptized today. They received the Lord at the Christmas performance. I love a church that you can hear the shouts of Amen and praise the Lord's! So far there isn't anything we didn't like. We didn't go to Sunday School, that will be next time.

The sermon was great. He preached on the sanctity of life. I don't want to start a debate, but he spoke on abortion. I was rattled by the statistics. Almost 4000 babies are killed every day. He spoke about the arguments that pro-choice people use to prove their points. He outlined 5, but this one really made me sit back and think.

The baby was created during rape or incest. Or that the birth of the baby will danger the mother's health. I am sure that things like that happen but I didn't realize that these reasons account for only 5% or less of all abortions! MOUTH AGAPE! He told that if we thought these babies should be aborted that we would never had Ethel Waters who sang His eye is on the sparrow...her mother a very young (13 I think he said) was raped by a much older white man. What if she had aborted her baby!? He gave a few other examples but this is an emotional subject for me obviously, and I had to try to think of something else for a few minutes to advert the tears. Didn't work of course, but it did make me lose track.

Scott was teary too, but for a different reason. Caleb and Chirsten went with us to church (as did my in laws). About half way through the service Caleb crawled up in Scott's lap, wrapped his little arms around Scott's beefy neck and went to sleep. Just before he drifted off he said Scott was softer than a pillow :). When we get in the car, I told Scott...Honey, just think if he loves you this much how much your own child is going to love you. You woulda thought I pinched him...he sobbed and said Caleb will always be like a son to him. He would give his life for either of them, he loves them with all that he is. I can't imagine ... I really can't imagine how that love could be more for his own children.

Chirsten wanted Red Lobster, and they get what they want from their paw paw. Caleb hasn't let Scott get out of his sight all day. He begged for us to stay the night with him here at the in laws and Scott would not say no for anything. They have been joined at the hip. Scott plays online video games with people and they talk on something where they hear each other, and Scott and Caleb played. He let Caleb talk to the 'guys' and you should have heard them. I stole the lap top for a bit to do this and they are crashed on the bed playing x-box now. I tried to play with Caleb the other day...some racing game. I won and Caleb looked at me and said so matter of factly.."Uncle Scooter lets me win!" HAHA.

This is a couple of pictures from Christmas...Best buddies!


I have been feeling pretty good since this last block...except for some crazy nausea. You know what nausea says to a girl with infertility! I wouldn't think twice about it - BUT...with my back feeling some better we umm..well, I umm...let's just say Scott doesn't feel quite as deprived as he had been *blush*!

I am not delusional, even though all the 'dancing' happened mid cycle with optimal CM...so who knows. God fed the masses with fish and bread, turned water into wine and raised the dead...He could just as easily make a miracle in me! He already has, when he forgave my sins and came into my heart. Wooo hoo gonna start shouting next *smiles*.

Be praying for my half sister, she has surgery next Wednesday for a mass on her ovary. She is in her 50's so she doesn't need the ovary but who wants surgery!?! Also, my brother in laws baby is due soon. I am not sure of the date, but I think it won't be too far away. There are some family issues going on but Scott and I do pray that everything goes smoothly and the baby and mom are healthy.

I gotta catch up on my blogging and catch up on reading. I guess this is it for now. I am gonna have to run some boys out of the bed! Chirsten and I snuggled up and she was almost asleep in my lap.

Oh lemme tell you this. I have to take insulin and Lantus. She gave me both of my shots tonight. She wants to be a doctor or a vet when she grows up and she didn't even hesitate. She did great too. She is 8, I just love her ... ooo so much.

Have a great night ya'll.

Last nerve block...thank God!

Tomorrow I go for my last nerve block for my back. We are also scheduling the appointment with the surgeon to discuss/plan for the stimulator. Pep asked what that was so I will explain. It is a small implant that goes under the skin with leads that go to the spine at the place where the nerve is causing the pain. It give off a current that blocks the pain from getting to the brain. It is a gentle tingle that is continuous. The one we are talking about has a remote control of sorts that increases/decreases the intensity. I can't drive with it on, and he said most turn it off at night - the tingling he says can be a little too much for sleep. It is along the lines of a pacemaker of sorts I guess.

I have to have a psychological evaluation before they will do it...lol, guess that might rule me out huh? The doctor said that it is not something they just do. I have had 3 back surgeries and I am still in pain, possibly more than before. He called it failed back surgery syndrome...hmm.

Scott and I said we weren't gonna weigh but on the first of every month...but I am addicted to the scale! I have lost 3 pounds!!! wooot. All we have changed is no soft drinks, I haven't even had a diet one. I think all that sodium out of my diet is helping a lot.

Scott works with a lady that adopted one child a while back and is about to adopt two more. He is going to get more information from her and who she went through. He said he thinks she went through the foster system. We will see.

Guess that is it...except 21 more days until I reach the top of the hill and start the rapid slippery slide down it. UGH I knew I couldn't stay 29 forever.

Ya'll have a great night, thanks for all the prayers...peace surrounds me more and more. We are visiting a new church on Sunday...I am excited really. I have felt pulled to this church for a while, but it is a bit away...maybe 30 minutes, but if that is where He wants me....zoooom zoooom zooooom!

New year...renewed Hope

After all the crazy emotions of the holidays - ya'll know the ones - I feel refreshed in a sense. We have set some goals for this year, and we made some resolutions for the year. Things that are reachable, things that we need to change or happen in our lives. We feel good about it.

We also talked about what direction to go in to expand our family. We are getting our ducks in a row and then hopefully by March or April we will go full steam ahead. One of our ducks being...

HEALTH...we are both over weight, we both want to lose enough weight to be able to run around after a child. Also I hope to get the spinal stimulator put in soon so I will be in less pain and be able to run around too!

My birthday is this month...the big 4-0. SIGH I know as it gets closer it will hit hard. Where did time go?? I just feel like the last 10 years have flown by while I am still 29 going through even more fertility treatments...realistically expecting a child way before I was 40.

But, my hope is renewed...we both feel like this is going to happen soon. We know that God wants us to be happy. There have been some other things that happened in our lives that make us really feel like something is about to finally happen.

I have a lot of catching up to do. I haven't done much of anything online lately, I have had so much family drama going on and have really not been feeling great lately - physically and emotional. But I am better.

The holidays were hard for many reasons. Aunt Flow visited and that makes me so hormonal. I miss my brother Mark so much at holidays. And now our family misses Chris. He hasn't passed away, he isn't dead...though he has said we are dead to him. None of it makes sense. God just opened my eyes that I can't change any one's mind that doesn't want to be changed. Even though he is hurting his entire family - I can't make him care. All I can do is pray for him and his new family. Thank God for the children's mother (not his wife)...she gives us time with the children; that alone takes the edge off of the pain. Those two wonderful children make all the stress and grief worth it. Just please pray for him and our family. He is out of church, pray that God convicts him and he finds his way back into God's will.

Finally got my blogger template updated...not my favorite but I like it.

On the first day of Christmas...

We had christmas today at my inlaws...was a great day. I am so blessed to have them in my family. If I never have a child...I am still blessed.

I must tell Jesus

I must tell Jesus all of my trials,
I cannot bear these burdens alone;
In my distress He kindly will help me,
He ever loves and cares for His own.

I must tell Jesus! I must tell Jesus!
I cannot bear my burdens alone;
I must tell Jesus! I must tell Jesus!
Jesus can help me, Jesus alone.

I must tell Jesus all of my troubles,
He is a kind, compassionate Friend;
If I but ask Him He will deliver,
Make of my troubles quickly an end.

Tempted and tried I need a great Savior,
One who can help my burdens to bear;
I must tell Jesus, I must tell Jesus:
He all my cares and sorrows will share.

pictures

Sunrise

This was one of the pictures from Santee...was sunrise! The trip was good, a lot of rest. I missed all the business that used to accompany a trip to Santee. I did enjoy my parents and brother a lot though! More pictures to come.

Inquiring minds...

wanna know what Camera I am using. I am using the Canon Digital Rebel XT SLR...hoping Santa brings me the newest Canon for Christmas.

I LOVE it!

Ta Ta for now

I am bouncing in my seat - if possible. My heart just skips a beat every time I think of tomorrow.

Tomorrow - my parents and I hit the road.
Tomorrow- family will start trickling in from day to day.
Tomorrow- as we pull up into the drive way and daddy unlocks the house I will run (in my best and least painful run) to the back glass door, down the steps of the deck...down the familiar path that I can walk in the dark with no lights...down the wooden pier to the end and take a few deep breaths as I look out across the lake that my family has visited since I was about 10. (My father fished there with Roland Martin long before I was born).

I loved the beach, but there is something about this lake. Santee Cooper in South Carolina. Lake Marion to some. This is the true meaning of vacation. We used to stay at this judges house my dad knew, then dad met up with this woman called Gaynelle ( couldn't make that up if I tried!). She is a super sweet lady, she has a daughter named Little Gaynelle :p...still not kidding. She lives in a house with a helicopter pad, huge hunting land...just awesome. She has a house she rents out - mostly to hunters, but her and mom and dad hit it off and we started going there every year...two or more times a year. It isn't fancy by any means - the judges house was and it kind of made us all work harder to be neater and such. While we still like it clean, no one freaks out if you run in with sand on your feet or so excited about the crappie you just caught that you run through the house with it dripping a little :). It is homey, has a pool table for those rainy days or those way too hot days....also great for those 3 a.m. pool tournaments!! We have had more than 20 staying. There is a piano too and some of my favorite memories have been hearing Mark play the piano and make it sound in tune. Johnny too has that talent.

Mom and dad loved Santee so much they bought a house there, we all loved it. Then dad got sick and he sold it. But we always had the Clarendon Club! But we haven't been there really in almost 10 years I guess. We stayed at Johnny's place a few times...but nothing is like this house.

TV is just local chanels, it is 10 miles from the highway I think and unless you have your cell phone you don't have to worry about phone calls. I just can't wait.

I have packed enough yarn to knit and crochet a blanket to cover the house haha. Camera is ready to go too - I promise some pictures. I can't wait to spend some time with family and hopefully catch a few fish.

I will post soon as I get back! ((HUGS))

one of our biggest catches!! HOOOOGE catfish!

umm did I mention there are gators there and we swim in that water!?!?!

Brad and his big catch...that was about 15 years ago - aww

Daddy and Johnny in front of 'our' house...yumm at the fish fry!

you know you wanna be there too!!

I wish I were alone.

I wish that I were the only one in the world who prayed for God to answer my prayer tonight...you know that prayer about us having a baby.

I wish that it was just me who couldn't drift right off to sleep without sighing...thinking about the empty room down the hall.

I wish it were only me who got choked up seeing an old friend after a few years when they asked me about our kids.

I wish on every star above that I alone avoided the baby aisle like satan himself was going to jump out at me if I dared to turn my buggy in that direction.

I wish I were alone.

Why can't it just be me who gets that knot the size of Alaska in my stomach when mother's day approaches (father's day too)?

What I wouldn't give to be the one who smiled when the "We're pregnant" announcement was made...to just sneak out shortly to my car to let the stream of tears fall.

If it was just me there would be no need for IVF or reproductive endocrinologists, fertility clinics, fertility drugs, shots. Others wouldn't feel like they have road the 'wand' so many times they should get frequent flyer miles!

If it were just me, the pain wouldn't change. I still would feel empty. Whoever came up with the quote misery loves company should have put an asterisk there to say * except for people with infertility*. I wish that something silly or creative brought me together with these wonderful people I have met here and there. I am saddened that our first thread of communication started from pain that can't be described properly.

I wish I were alone.

I wish I were the only one who watched their husbands ache to be called daddy and it hasn't happened.
I wish it were just me who declined baby showers due to self preservation.
I wish it were only me who felt left out of the PTA, potty training, swimming lessons, 'family' time, and the spit up club where they wear it like perfume or something.
I want to be the only one who sees some stupid commercial and cries or some movie...heck even some cartoon movie like Meet the Robinson's (which I will deny to have watched more times than Officer and A Gentleman, Ghost, Pride and Prejudice all together...I can deny it this is my blog!).

I wish I were alone....

But I am not.

So many precious people I have met (here and in person) share this struggle.
I am not the only one who buys things here and there ... having the hope that one day our child will need this.
In that same respect I am not the only one who eventually gives it to someone when that faith wanes.
If on mother's day - all the tears from every woman longing to be celebrated as well were collected we could fill a few Olympic sized pools easily - I am not alone.
Even when we don't tell others, I know I am not alone in feeling almost like I am suffocating as Christmas inches closer and closer.
I am not the only one who has every intention of buying real gifts for the children in my life and sometimes stuff cash in a card and hand it over.
I am not the only one unfortunately who avoids the mall at Christmas like a man avoids the tampon aisle. This girl likes to shop, but my heart can't handle the lines of strollers filled with the cutest little faces all waiting to tell Santa what they want for Christmas.
I know that it isn't just me who bites her tongue (most of the time) until it bleeds when well meaning relatives (mostly old aunts for some reason) tell us "Just relax - don't think about it...your cousin's mother's uncle's nieces twice removed sister went on vacation and got pregnant...she relaxed". *For those times I can't bite my tongue I reply..."ummm Aunt Millie...her husband didn't go on vacation with her - he was in jail remember? When they get Valium for the ovary problem I have and it will help - lemme know!"

I am not alone.

I could list every person I know and have encountered that share this *ugh stuck for a word that can express it...sigh - nothing* sadness and it would take me all night and day and then some to put them all here. But you know you have some of those people who you just feel like you have joined elbows with and are walking on and on. And when one of us get discouraged and weak, tired, angry, confused, broken...we know that we are being carried by the others in our chain of elbows. We know that someone is lifting us up in prayer, just thinking about us, calling or writing...something. We all wish that no one had to experience this with us - that we carried this burden alone - we all wish it. *Wish in one hand and poop in the other - see which one fills up first...my brother in law says all the time* But we are here. Some days are better than others, some things we can handle and some things are so heavy we can't take another step.

So many have inspired me and carried me when they didn't even know it.

It is 2:30 in the a.m. Pillow is soaked, Scott is snoring, I gotta pee (sure you wanted to know that). (Pillow is soaked with tears...not pee - I know Burt would have said something smart about that!) I go tomorrow for the second nerve block, this one did good for about 2 weeks and it was like someone flipped a switch on Monday or so...and I am back to walking like the hunchback and saying 'oy' way too much. Pain meds aren't touching it; physically I am back where I was. But that ray of hope that I can have days where I can think outside of the pain, where I can drive, where I can make love *sorry Misti, Cara and other family...I know you really didn't want to know that*...that has helped me emotionally and mentally more than anything.

I have to have a beta done before they will do it, the meds and the fluoroscope can be detrimental to a baby. I would endure whatever pain I had to for them to come back and say we can't do the block you are pregnant. Which I know will not happen - Aunt Flow...Aunt Millies sister is visiting ha ha.

This is a crazy post I know. I was watching the clock and when it is all one number like 11:11 or 2:22 or 1:11 I say an extra prayer. It was 1:11 am and I started praying for family and friends, for Amanda and the craziness she is being put through, for Rebekah to fill up that beautiful nursery, for Robyn to not go through this next IVF and still be in the ranks of 'married - no children'. I had so many I was praying for and I asked God to just let me be alone in infertility land, I could take it. Lord - I can do anything with You in my life. Yeah, I knew that was like asking for a money tree to sprout in my yard with enough seedlings to start my own forest...don't ask for that tree...I have asked many times and I just don't think it is happening.

I should be in bed - well I am in bed but I should be asleep. Well it is 3:15 I better turn this off. If you got down this far - it isn't that I don't want you here...as in my life...I just wish you weren't HERE..you know...here where our arms are empty.

Random picture post...

I got a new lens for my camera and have been playing a little with it. I saw the cat in the yard and sat on the poarch and thought I would zoom in a bit. Aww he is licking his lips...how cute...NOT



Not so sweet...he has a MOUSE...poor thing, gross...I even yelled gross!

That is when he looked up at me like I was stealing his prize...ick

This a picture at the lake, the trees and water was so pretty - it was so warm that day...

This was another picture that day...wished I was out on that boat. This girl LOVES to fish!

The rest of these were just some random pictures I took here and there. I love this tree in our yard, the leaves are always magnificent!

I was taking some pictures of dads flowers and spotted this honey bee. He raises bees so I am sure it was one of his. Just loved catching it and the bumble bee too.

This picture was taken at Kobe's in Hickory after eating dinner there for Chirsten's 8th birthday. Aunt Shirley, Lena, Scott, Me, Caleb, Chirsten, John and Amanda. I am so blessed that Scott chose to share his wonderful family with me.

Little this and that...

The block afforded me the ability to go to the beauty shop! I haven't been able to really sit in the chair and lean back in the chair to wash my hair...so I got my hair cut, put on some make up and enjoyed my scalp massage!

The beach was amazing. Rest and a little shopping can nearly cure what ails ya!

I tried out my new lens and took this shot of the moon...soo much fun!

• first and foremost - Jubilee blessed my soul, spirit, heart...whew, all that and everywhere in between! The music was amazing, songs that speak right to where I needed some healing. The preachers preached right to me! My cup runneth over! 4 words impacted me the most...In EVERYTHING give Thanks!! I was 'not so gently' reminded that He puts things in my life for a reason - good or bad. For every bad thing there are two (or more) good things and that one bad thing gets more powerful and I forget to be thankful.
  
• Time with my mom was a balm like none other. I don't always have extra money to spend on her, but watching her eyes light up is worth it all. Snuggling up with her, talking to her about silly stuff or her favorite - God stuff. Laughing so hard with her that tears flow and sometimes even snot (I am sure you wanted to know that). Watching her getting lost in thought while staring at God's ocean. Hearing her sing How great Thou art softly. As a teen thinking that my life would be so much more fun when I get out of the house and away from mom...and now as a grown woman grasping for every minute to spend with her. Sitting with her in church, watching her eyes well up with tears and seeing them splash down her cheeks. Some people when God moves them praise the Lord, they raise their hands, stand up...my mother sobs, she cries like a baby...can't control it kind of cry - and that is me too!

• Time with my Aunt Louise and her daughter Lori and granddaughter Courtney was wonderful too. We are so much alike. We laugh with our whole bodies! Sometimes not even knowing what we are laughing at - but still cackling. Courtney and I are a lot alike too I think, she is silly and loves to make people smile and loves the Lord with all our hearts. She is a homebody too, she would rather be with family than anyone else in the world. We pulled pranks on each other and everyone else...including Scott haha. I really want to start spending more time with her.
  
Mom and Courtney...she is so sweet...well, they both are!



Courtney and me.




• The weather was divine...never below 70 and always sunny skies. The pools were warm and we swam outside and inside even at night. The dolphins were playing, kids running on the beach...so wonderful. The hotel was the best hotel ever. We had a 3 bedroom condo and it was perfect. The staff and food was great, and my only complaint was parking and all the golfers. Though mom made them fun too...we would get on the elevator with a group of them and the elevator would say..."This elevator is going down". My mom would giggle and say we might be going down now but one day soon Jesus is gonna be taking us up! I just don't know if those golfers knew what to say. She left gospel tracts everywhere.


• But the best was time with the Huggins. Colin and Jack Henry are dolls, Colin has grown up so much. He has such a great big vocabulary and he almost always uses full sentences. He would say I want to see the dragon, mommy or Guess what I want for Christmas Hopie. Ask him if he liked something and he would say Yes I do mommy....so cute. Him and Scott played a lot...they were so funny together. But hugging Leslie and Burt, spending time with them...having dinner, laughing and catching up was more than amazing. We couldn't get enough of them...they took us to the Mellow Mushroom for pizza - AHH best ever! Colin is in LOVE with Scooby Doo and he kept saying he wanted the doughnut Scooby Doo...I was like what?? FINALLY Leslie told me he wanted the grown up Scooby Doo movie. Burt couldn't find it so Scott went through the movies at Wal-Mart and found it - you should have seen his eyes. Ooo we love them so much.

This is Jack Henry...look at those eyes. He is such a good baby, Colin is so cute with him too!

Colin and I shared extreme air heads...super sour! We had fun. Oooo look at them eyes! I could just eat him up!
Leslie and Jack Henry...he looks so much like her. Gosh it was so good to just hang out!
Colin and Daddy Burt...he is such a good daddy but don't tell him I said so...as you can tell his head is big enough HAHA!

The best/worst part of the trip...goodbye hugs and lovin'. Scott just can't stop talking about Colin and how he has grown and how smart he is. Scott said his favorite cartoons as a child was Scooby Doo too! We love them all so much, Scott and I had our share of tears heading back to the hotel that night. Hating that we miss a lot with the boys. Praying for a child soon so they can sorta all grow up together. I learn so much from Leslie and Burt, they are such great parents and they have so many of the same styles and such we would love to use with our own children.

Scott and I got to spend some wonderful time together *wink*. We laid down in bed about 9 one night and fell asleep just snuggling and slept until 11 the next morning.

I really was wonderful, leaving was the worst part...I miss it all. But I came home with a smile, feeling more like me than I had in a LONG time. The block is wearing off but knowing there can be times without debilitating pain has renewed a lot in my heart.

******************************
Ok...just got back from the doctor and he walked in, looked at his chart, looked back up at me then said Hope?? What's up with you?? You have had a hair cut, got make up on and wearing something other than sweats - AND you are smiling! I just laughed and told him how I felt better with the nerve block and that just knowing that there is something that will give me relief even if just for a short time has changed my whole aspect. I told him that the new doctor laid it out, didn't sugar coat anything...just said it how it is! He told me that the nerve was damaged, that there was scar tissue and inflammation and this was going to be something I deal with for the rest of my life. I guess that should have been upsetting...but I found relief in having something definite said to me. The false hope of well, maybe it will get better in a year, ... blah blah blah...that was so hard because every day I woke up saying ok Lord, is this the day?

The block has worn off pretty much but even that little bit of relief was enough to change - well let me be me again. I think it is next week I go for the next one. I never thought I would be excited to get stuck with a huuuge needle.

Just an aside...HUMMUS IS DELISH! I had never tasted it, and while at the beach we went to the Mellow Mushroom for pizza and tasted it and wowza! We loved their pizza too, we ate lunch there on the way home and though Scott said he would NEVER eat hummus again, I made him taste it and he ate more than I did - HE LOVED IT! So today we found a new place in Hickory Jason's Deli and it was the best salad bar EVER (I have capped a lot of words in the paragraph huh?). They also had red pepper hummus - slurp. Speaking of hummus, we stopped by Sam's and lo and behold they were sampling hummus! This cranberry hummus and the roasted red pepper...we bought both!

Ok gonna load up some pictures of the trip and post them for ya's. I really don't know what all I said in this post because I had to leave for the docs...will probably think of more later. This was really done the next day.

*************************************

Friday night we went with John and Lena to get some Christmas decos for the yard and some things for the kids for Christmas. Holidays are SO hard. Scott and I would have to visit the tile aisle to keep the tears from drowning us. (we were in Lowes - they have great decos) When we left in our car, I told Scott how I wished that along with Chirsten and Caleb - John and Lena were decorating for our children. They are such great grandparents and while I fear losing my own parents before my child knows them, I share that same fear about John and Lena. They are such a blessing to me, more than in - laws. I love them so much. I know that some don't have that blessing of a great set of in laws, I do. They treat me like one of their own. John is a big picker on-er. Him and I go at it 24/7 when we are together. I tell him he is my favorite father in law...haha he is my only.

This is Saturday and we had a great day. We woke up and went with John and Lena to Boone/Blowing rock and the shops on the parkway. It snowed some while we were there...so pretty. We found some great deals and I found a beautiful purse...red! I am usually a simple black or brown purse. My most favorite is my black Coach purse. But I saw this in the Bass outlet and had to have it. Tag said 84 bux...that is a bit for me right now and I just knew I wouldn't spend that on a purse while I wasn't working. Well, there was a sign that said 60% off...hmm that is getting better! I had a 5 dollar off coupon and also a 20% off coupon. The cashier let me use all three discounts and I got the purse for 27 bucks. I am so excited.

Bought the kids a few things, I could have lived in oshgosh. When we do have kids (notice I said when and not if) Scott is gonna have to keep the keys/credit cards/cash/bank cards/checks locked up somewhere... I LOVE shopping for my kiddos. Had a great time shopping for Colin and Jack Henry at the beach.

I am gonna hit send soon...it is 1:20 am on Sunday morning. I can't sleep so I thought I would finish this up.

Boo

Figured it was Halloween so I would Booo ya!

Someone said you know you are hooked when you think about blogging and other bloggers when you are no where near a computer! me=hooked!

The last month or so has been pretty intense. My pain level jumped after a cold I had. I guess all the coughing and sneezing strained my back and I just could barely function. I was ill, cranky and just down right anti-social!

I was supposed to be going to IL for a wedding and I kept trying to tell Scott the pain wasn't that bad - I could make it. Finally the Sunday before I was to leave he made me promise to call the doctor. I went and had another MRI and saw the doctor. He upped some of my medications and added oxy_con_tin. I am petrified of narcotics - addiction is in my family and I don't want that battle. But I was hurting so bad, I knew I needed something. My doctor referred me to another surgeon who also is over a pain clinic. I went to see him this past Friday and after 822 bux I walked out with a smile on my face...ok it was a drug induced smile, but I felt better than I had in at least a year!

The doctor said that the MRI showed the nerve was inflamed and irritated. He said with that and the scar tissue from the surgeries I will more than likely always have to have pain control. He and my primary doctor discussed the spinal stimulator and decided to try the nerve block first. They put me on a table and my butt was up in the air...attractive mental image I know :), shot me up with some meds and then put some medications - including a steroid into my back to block the pain from getting to my brain.

I read my post op papers when I got home and missed the part that I would feel better for the first few hours due to the numbing medications and anesthesia...but it takes 3-7 days for the steroids to start working. I felt so good that night. The next day was a family reunion and I over did it...sigh. I rested though the last two days and am feeling some better. Not Friday night better but still better than I felt before the block.

I am hoping that this will be the ticket. He said he will give me three and if they help, that is indicative that the stimulator will help as well and will be permanent. They don't like giving me steroids due to my diabetes.

I do think about the blogs I follow all the time. I plan on catching up and hope to leave some messages here and there.

Gotta update my blog theme too...thinking snow - ohh we got some on our mountains today!! How crazy is that!?!