The video should be working now...

The video below should be working now.

My master computer genius of a husband fixed it...I love him!

I will post pictures of the babies...yes babies, Cara had hers late last night YAY!

healthy, 8 pounds 2 ounces 20 inches long. Illans twin almost!

Child Of God

Child of God

I was hesitant about posting the video of me singing this song. Vain reasons, my weight has kept me from singing or doing anything in front of a crowd a lot. I am making a change in my eating habits and hopefully soon I can start walking as an exercise at the least. That isn't where I want to go with this post so I will change directions.

This song is special for so many reasons. The very first time I sung it was one of the most devastating days of my life.  It is my daddy's favorite song that I have ever performed and I can't get by without singing it for him when I visit his church. 

Before I walked up to the stage, I was fine. I stood there with my back to the congregation while the pastor prayed. Then Doug, the music leader, introduced me and I turned around.

The lights seemed so bright.
The music seemed so loud.
The congregation was bouncing with my heartbeat.
My head went from zero pain to the worse pain I have ever felt...in an instant.

I heard myself singing, this was a 5 minute song and I chose to not bring the lyrics with me...I figured I knew all the words. (I only practiced it 109890348 times!) I am singing, and at the same time in my head I am praying for God to let me finish and not pass out.

How can I explain this...think about a sentence. Ok try to say something else while thinking about that sentence. I was talking in my head and singing that song.

At a small break in the music I said to myself "Turn around and tell Doug you have to stop".

I looked out and a fellow choir member, Mike had tears in his eyes and raised his hand. Then I prayed as I started singing again..."Lord, if I am blessing one person in the congregation, please let me make it through it."

I don't remember singing hardly at all.
I remember what I was thinking and praying, but not the actual performance.
I don't know how I made it to the pew,
I remember the pastor saying "You're daddy said you can sing...and he was right."
I remember telling Scott I was going to the bathroom.
I remember throwing up repeatedly and hearing some young girls coming in, I tried to stop so I didn't scare them.
I was sweating and so weak. Roxanne, a friend at the church came to check on me.
I don't know what I told her other than Scott has to take me home.
The next thing I remember is vomiting in the yard as Scott helped me into the house. I changed clothes and sat on the couch.
I remember them putting me in a wheelchair after Scott got me to the ER.
I remember sitting for an hour in the waiting area dry heaving and miserable.
I remember thinking - dang I work here can't they treat me special?

That's it until about 3 am, I wake up and Doug is there along with Scott. Doug left shortly after and Scott sat down beside me and I asked him what was wrong, why was I here.

Gently he told me, I had a stroke.
I was 37, 37 year olds do NOT have strokes!

I don't' remember Burt and Leslie coming to the house to check on me. They tell me they tried to talk to me and I wouldn't respond and they made Scott take me to the ER. I don't remember getting a CT of my brain, an IV, nothing. The stroke was a small one thank God, it took a few months to get a little normal (normal for me :) ).

Scott brought home the tape of the service. Get this... I didn't miss a word, a note. I didn't believe it at first, but I heard it. I surely can't take the credit for that - it was ALL God!

I didn't sing again for a while, but just before Christmas I told Doug I was ready. He was hesitant - he felt guilty because he encouraged me to sing the first song. When I got done, the pastor said Hope....you ok? We all laughed because I was more than OK, I won.

I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me!

I wasn't letting satan think he silenced me.

I was given a verse that has inspired me more than I can express. Isaiah 26:3
Thou wilt keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on thee: because he trusteth in thee. Pastor Young gave that to me and it stuck.

I didn't think much else about that song or all that happened. Then I went to church with mom and dad. Dad played that song at church - the copy of the one where I flaked. So they wanted to hear it, not the tape again...me...singing it, that song!!! The next Sunday I sang it.  (Daddy had a way to get me to do just about anything!)

This is my song. During that stroke I was singing to myself, CHILD OF GOD - DO NOT BE AFRAID - TRUST AND OBEY!

I sung this song just before I had my first surgery - I lost sight of that song for a while. I failed that test, but my God gives do-overs. I fell on my face and prayed, crying out for him to forgive me and how sorry I was.  This child of God felt Him wrap me up and tell me I am not alone and I felt His forgiveness, His grace, His Love and that peace that passes all understanding. 

Every time I sing it, it is very emotional. Scott cries every time as well. I look at my dad and he never opens his eyes, he is absorbing every word.  He raises that worn, wrinkled hand.  I love to hear others say Amen and yes, Lord...but those are nothing like hearing my sweet poppy say praises to our Father through his tears. 

This is my song. It might belong to the Hoppers really, but it is my song.

Please pray for Scott and I, we still haven't found 'our' church. We miss our church in Myrtle Beach so much and coming from that church - others have a lot to live up to! We have visited a few churches but we haven't felt that 'this is it' feeling like we had the first time we walked in to Grand Strand Baptist.

I know I have posted the lyrics several times, but here they are again.

Child of God, do not be afraid.
Child of God, TRUST and obey.
He will walk with you in the way
Child of God do not be afraid.

Lost and wandering in a world of sin,
Why would God EVER take ME in?
A cry rang out...from Calvary's blood stained Hill,
Said CHILD I LOVE YOU AND I ALWAYS WILL!

Time will pass and eye will start to fail.
Tired and weary life becomes so frail.
But, I'll not make this final walk alone,
The Lord will lead me to my heavenly home.

Child of God, do not be afraid.
Child of God, TRUST and obey.
He will walk with you in the way
Child of God do not be afraid.

Hold to God's unchanging hand.
Hold to God's unchanging hand.
Keep your hopes in things eternal,
Hold to God's unchanging hand.

CHILD OF GOD....DO NOT BE AFRAID!

I need to sing this to myself every day! Don't listen to the way I sing it, listen to the words. and here is the video - and remember video adds on about 100 pounds :p

*this was recorded long after we moved home, not the one where I had the stroke - that one was at Grand Strand, very large church with quite a bit more people!*



also remember I was sick that day :) oh and the first few words there was a buzz if you wonder why I grimace :)

It's a Girl!

*baby talk below*


Italy Gabriella Pons born June 7, 2008 at 11:06 p.m.

She weighed 8 pounds and 7 ounces and was 20 1/2 inches long!

She is perfect.

Her skin was so pink and every inch of her was pure beauty. She has hair :)

Marquita went into labor tonight but the baby was breech and they did a c-section. Both her and the baby are doing great. The baby was in the nursery with Brad and he never left her side. He held onto her hand...or she held on to his finger. You could see in his eyes he was in love. He gave her her first bottle. It was so late and I was in quite a bit of pain, so we left. It was going to be over an hour before Marquita and the baby would be in the room and I just couldn't handle it.

I took some pictures, everyone forgot their cameras...HOW DO YOU DO THAT???!!! So, I left my precious Cannon that cost more than I wanna share with him. Scott didn't seem tooooo crazy about it but I just couldn't let them miss those moments of the first bath and mom holding the baby for the first time.

So tomorrow I will post tons of pics.

Ohh she is so beautiful.

----------------------------------------------------------------

Yeah...it was hard. I cried. Scott cried. Those around us were so happy and talking about the gift from God and all that typical ooo and ahhh.

Looking through the window at him holding her hand, I pictured Scott with our child. I couldn't even turn to look at Scott because I know he was picturing the same scene in his mind and heart.

I am so happy for them, don't get me wrong...but the wound of infertility is open and no matter how long we have been dealing with it the only balm to heal it is made of 10 little toes and fingers, tiny ears, cute nose and wide eyes.

We walked out of the elevators towards the car and Scott and I held hands, praying God blesses us soon. It was hard to leave with empty arms.

Memories...

My parents are finally coming of age! Scott built them a computer and we took it to them today. I burned tons of pictures onto CD's...4 to be exact and they were packed.

Scott gets it there and sets it up and for about an hour we went through the pictures. A lot mom and dad haven't seen. Since going digital I have gotten slack at printing and making them available to them. I see them on the screen - I ooo and ahh and click go to something else.

Going through those pictures though was just the push I needed to really kick my butt in gear and not let down on my picture taking duties. How else will my child know the face of my brother who is in heaven? How will he (and I say he, because every dream, every feeling in me says we will have a son) know about how handsome his father was on our wedding day? How will he know how silly Misti and Little John were as kids? How will he know about all the smiles and laughter and music and love our family has shared and hopefully will share if I don't keep the camera hopping?

He will know.

ok, maybe a she...either way they will know!

Even the memories that looking at pictures evoke now is worth every snap of the camera. Looking at some of them I heard stories I had never heard. One in particular - a picture of me, 3 or 4...Mom and Louise took me and Lori to town and probably K-mart or Roses and there was a photographer there and they decided to take pictures of Lori and I. I just thought it was a picture with no story - but it has one.

Speaking of memories...Dad and I were laying on the bed and I asked him about his grandfather who was killed by two guys one night. He owned a little store and they hit him over the head with a coke bottle - one of those old thick coke bottles. He was 82 had maybe 30 bucks and they hit him, put him in the back seat of their car - hit him some more until he was quite. He was probably unconscious by then. This was probably 50ish years ago. I had heard the story before - but dad told me that his Grandfathers best friend pulled up to the store that night and the guys that had his grandfather in the car couldn't start the car. They asked this friend to push him off so they could crank it and he did - not knowing his friend was laying in the back seat near death. They dumped him off on the side of the road and someone saw him and he lived 10 days but never came to. Dads grandfather raised him.

The two men were caught. Both went to prison. One of them was mentally retarded and did what he was told to do by the other man. The main guy was out on work release and he messed with the wrong guys wife and her husband shot him dead. Most of that story I never knew!

Then dad and I talked about him and his brother how they stole watermelons and once a chicken! If you knew my dad those things would make you gasp haha. He told me about how his grandfather made wine but never used it to get drunk or anything. He made white lightening for that! He would put cherries in the jars. Well, one day Daddy and his brother saw the jars were empty of alcohol but thought they would eat the cherries. Needless to say they were drunk by the fifth cherry. I laughed at this story and told dad that I had done the same thing basically. Scott and friends made PJ for new years. I didn't drink but thought I would eat a bowl of fruit. Daddy laughed at me - funny how we had a similar experience as teenagers.

I am going to make a point of talking to dad and mom about stories of their lives. They have so much to tell I am sure. Mom was in an orphanage for a long time as a child. Her mother died when mom was 6. Being that she had all brothers and no mother, her dad thought it would be best. She did come back home later in her teen years.

I know that probably bored everyone to tears, but I needed to write it down in case I forget.

Make memories.
Write it down.

I feel a journal coming on - wait ... maybe this is it :)

On a different note, I am feeling better. Finally getting use to the new pills and I have diabetic neuropathy and this med is for that as well as depression and anxiety. My feet are getting some feeling back and are not hurting like they do - especially my toes - YAY...go CYMBA.LTA!

I will end her, I have some commenting to catch up on and then catch some zzzzzzzz's

I am aliveeee (said in my best frankenstien scene voice)

Wow I know it has been a few days since I posted. Sorry ... multiple reasons so here goes:

-I started a new med last week and it is kickin my butt! Saturday I joked with Scott that I didn't know if I could sing Sunday because I was woozy and nauseated. He said that was just the devil tryin to keep me from it. I woke up at about 3:30 on Sunday morning and I won't go into details - let's just say it wasn't my finest hour. I did get up and go to church and we did sing and it went great. Scott got it on video and if I can figure out how to get it on here I will. BUT, I barely made it through the service. I sweat like a long tailed cat in a room full of rockers! I was really worried about that, but today before I called the doc to tell him I thought I was having a heart attack I looked up this new med and lo and behold all the symptoms are listed there as common for the first 2 weeks...whew I can take 911 off of speed dial and chill out.

-Monday I was in bed pretty much all day dealing with those symptoms and along with that a migraine. If any of you have those you know how light and sound really bug you so needless to say it looked like an all day eclipse in my room.

-Tuesday I spent a lot of the day trying to catch up on blogs and crocheting a blanket for Brad. I am almost done.

-Yesterday I went and spent the day with my parents. It was awesome. Dad and I kinda crashed watching TV while mom read and chatted with her friends on the phone. After lunch mom started cooking and boy did it smell good. She bbq'ed some ribs and fried some potato's and cooked some cabbage from out in their garden...YUM delish.

-Today...my fingers are almost bleeding from the crocheting - ok not really that would ruin this blankie. I wrote a message to someone special and had a few crazy moments with these kittens...they are nuts!

Soooo that is my story and I am stickin too it!

Here are a few pictures from the founders day on Sunday for my dads home town. He preached a sermon Sunday night and there was a great bluegrass gospel group there. Much to my surprise there stood this handsome tall young man sporting his braces as we pulled up. Parker Dilyn was there with Little John...and boy has he grown up! It is hard to believe he has changed that much in such a short time but he has. He is a hugger too - I love that.

Little John was there with Tamara and Johnny was running sound and looked so cute in his overalls!

So here are pics.



This is my poppy, he did such a great job and looked so handsome in his overalls!
This is dad with Little John...I know not so little, he is so handsome too. His dad is big John.
This is Parker - Little John's son, dad and Little John.
I just love him!
This is dad with a family friend Steve.
This was part of the group that sung. The young man in the middle is 14 years old. He plays the banjo as well. There is this music festival called Merle Fest that musicians from all over come and compete and play. This boy won the banjo competition - 14 years old against those who have played the banjo as long as he has been alive and longer. He has so much talent - his whole family does.
This was Daddy preaching...he gave an example of we are like a penny, the lowest form of money. He took the penny and put it in his hand and closed his fingers tight around it. Then he took his handkerchief and put it over that. He said that penny represents us, his hand is God and the hankie is the Holy Spirit. For the devil to get to us he has to go through the Holy Spirit and then pry open God's hand. It sounded much better when he said it :)
This is my dad's friend Jimmy Jacumin he is a NC senator. Johnny my brother is in the middle. It was a good evening even though I could have filled a pond with my sweat - dang pills!

Beauty doesn't fade - just changes

Yesterday I spent most of the day with my mom and dad. Dad had to go teach a Bible study at the prison for a bit so most of the time was with mom. Her and I talked and laughed and yeah...even cried. I watched her at one point and I remembered when I was young how I thought she was so pretty and thought she would never grow old. Her skin was always so soft and, her hair a chestnut brown and soft as rabbit fur. (her beauty secret: getting out of the shower she kept a bottle of olive oil near the tub and she would rub a couple drops of oil on her face and through her hair) My mom always stayed busy and if she wasn't talking she was singing.

But as she lay there on the bed reading the paper, her skin still soft, but wrinkled a bit. Her hair nearly white. But her eyes still sparkling, her voice still strong. I never dreamed my mom would get old. Even still she is beautiful from the inside out! I am so blessed to have the parents I have.

Then my heart skipped thinking how I may never get to share her with my child. My child may never feel her cool hands on their fevered forehead. My child may never be sung to sleep by her sweet loving voice. So much I want for my child to know about her. Then of course my mind wandered to my dad. I am a daddy's girl for sure and I don't want my child to miss going fishing with him, or hearing him preach or help him plant the garden or rob the honey.

I am going to take more pictures.
I am going to write things down about my parents.
I am going to take some videos.

No matter what my child will know them and feel their love.

Mom and I practiced the song and her voice was a little shakey, she takes more breaths but her voice is still beautiful. Dad got home and we decided he should sing with us. So, he is! I really can't wait.

Pray for my sister in law Susie. Her father is gravely ill and from what my mom said it could be any time. His name is Walter.

Have a great weekend, I hope I can keep up with my posts...we are having Founders Day in our town and I know it will be busy!

I surrender all...

Sunday is homecoming for my parents Church. I haven't sung in a while - for many reasons. Lisa and I sung several songs last year and this year I have the soundtrack for I surrender all. I saw it in my box and kept passing over it when looking for something to sing. Every time I did...when I started looking again it would stick out. I pulled it out and put it in the cd player and it skipped and crackled and I took it out and somehow there was a dent in the CD. I almost threw it away. The last track was the one I sang to and something urged me to put it back in and see if it would work. The only track on the CD that worked was that one.

I practiced a few times, it is a familiar song so I didn't think I would need much practicing. Then a thought came to me...I haven't sung with mom in a long time, her and I could harmonize on this and it be a surprise for dad and the church. I asked her today and she was soooo excited. I am going there tomorrow to practice it with her. Scott has a class tomorrow night so I will stay all day pretty much.

I surrender All

All to Jesus I surrender
All to Him I freely give
I will ever love and trust him
In his presence daily live

I surrender all, I surrender all
All to Thee my blessed Savior
I surrender all

All to Jesus I surrender
At thy feet I humble bow
Worldly pleasures all forsaken
Take me, Jesus, Take me now

All to Jesus I surrender
Lord, I give myself to thee
Fill me with thy love and power
Let thy blessing fall on me

This song means so much to me. The first time I went to the altar at Grand Strand this song was being sung. I recommitted my life to God and surrendered it all. Just lately have I started giving things up to Him again. My infertility, my pain, family issues, financial things are the big things that I have tried to 'fix' myself.

I have started to feel the peace that I am going to be ok, everything will be ok. Something extraordinary is about to happen in my life!

Ok...pics of Memorial day :)

This is Gary's cabin. Just so peaceful up there!
They are pickin and grinnin :)
This is inside, love the fireplace soo rustic


I love this cook stove, reminds me of one my mom has.
Gary tears down old cabins and keeps the wood. He numbers each one so he can put it back just like it was before he tore it down. People call him quite often to do this!

This is Bonnie and her granddaughter, friends of Todd and Lisa.This is Gary's horse, he is so pretty and very friendly!
Another picture of Bonnie and her grand daughter
Todd's friend Travis

Daddy causing trouble.
Cara and Illan...singing with his paw.
Just people...that little girl was so cute - had bandaids on both knees!
Aww Cara and Illan
He finally pooped out and noone would do but Grandmaw

He is so sweet.
I just couldn't stop taking pics of him!
My sweet mama
Mom and Me
Illan and his Grandmaw Lisa

Family friend Leon
Just one of many pictures of the creek
Daddy thought he was being funny...haha

The real picture of Dad
Me and Scott...I just love him

Lisa and Zach dancing
Zach and his sister (brunette) and her friend doin the hodown!

Bunch of crazy girls :)

Old timey truck
Loved the rustic fence
Dad and Mom
Listening to the music

Randall and Cara
Randall and Illan with the horse
Lisa and Illan dancing

I know this is a lot of pictures, more than I thought. I played around with them a little too before I posted them. The day really was great. I guess this is as close as it can get of you being there :) I have a few more from that day I will post too...we went up on top of the other mountain for a Sunday drive and it was lovely.