Wednesday, August 26, 2009

Benefit and randomness

The benefit went great. I got a little nervous not long before it started - what if no one came and all these people made food and are coming to sing!?! People came. Family came. Friends came. Strangers came. My heart was in my throat the whole time, and I was so touched by people.

This is a small church, a wonderful small church. But the heart of the Church is huge. I never saw so many pintos in my life...I think Burke County had a hazy cloud over it after all those were eaten! There were pintos, white beans, green beans and mashed potatoes, stewed potatoes, potato salad and slaw and sweet cornbread, mexican cornbread, regular cornbread and onions and girls dream dinner :)

Then...there were desserts! Ohhh Lordy! chocolate, coconut, confetti, red velvet, strawberry and pound cakes. Banana pudding - enough to feed an army and a half! I had to threaten a lady to get my piece of coconut cake - my mother in law makes an amazing one and it is my favorite. Well, I didn't threaten her - I bribed her and it worked.

There were donations by local restaurants: Fatz donated slaw. McDonalds donated cups and more cups! Sonic donated Ice - and they have the best ice EVA! Wendy's donated chili bowls. Butch's BBQ donated plates and to-go plates. I am sure there were more, but I haven't got my list from my sister in law yet to send thank you's!

I don't know how we all waddled into the sanctuary to hear the music...but we did. The pastor had to leave and my sweet daddy ran the sound and umm...well, let's just say it is a new system and if there isn't big round buttons to turn he might not get it. It was all digital with a remote and all and he just had a hard time. It added a bit of comedic relief I guess haha. The first group was my sister in law's group and they were so good.

After their first song, my nephew Jacob said out loud..."I liked that song"...was so cute - guess you had to be there haha.

Then, some people from the church got up to sing. And as the male singer was giving praise to our wonderful Saviour and how we don't know the time when He is hit a button and we all thought the time had come!! It was so funny. We all jumped and laughed.

I got up to sing, I really wasn't feeling well...I think it was just stress and I didn't eat much except for dessert :). Fortunately my soundtrack was the first one on the CD I gave daddy so it was pretty easy. I made it without crying much and that was so hard, every time I would look at Scott he was crying - BIG OLE BABY! and so I had to look away. I looked at my father in law once and he tried to make me laugh...silly man. So, I focused on the cross that was at the back of the church. Peace.

My brother Todd and his group of guys sang last and they were so great. They consist of a big, tall bass, banjo and guitar. They have played together for a long time and it just flows. He sings House of Gold - an old Hank gospel song and he makes you shiver with the high notes.
My mom had me and him to sing How Great Thou Art...I love to sing with him - family harmony has just something about it. His voice is so flexible...great range and he has so much talent.

At the end of the night, Lisa gave us an envelope with 801.00. Well, 701, but a member of the church had already given us 100.00 earlier. I was blown away, little is much when God is in it!
I love my family and friends and even people I didn't know. My mother and father are amazing people and loved by so many, that some helped just because of them. I am so blessed to have the family I have, Isaac is so blessed to be coming into this family. My brother stood up telling how blessed Isaac will be to have us as parents, that he is so lucky...but we are the lucky ones. To have him and my family as ours, and to have Isaac on the way. I can't wait to share our family with him. Scott's family is amazing too, they were there for us and it meant so much to both of us. Scott's family is small but mighty!

In other news, my mom stays with this sweet lady who has Alzheimer's. A girl that works for mom is having surgery so she asked if I wanted to come stay some with her. It is easy physically. Sara cleans and bathes and all that, I just have to make sure she doesn't try to cook or that she puts her clothes on...but most of all - keep her out of the road! She has an obsession with raking her yards. She can't stand for one leaf to be out there and the road they live on is busy and she wants to rake the road/ditch/driveway too. For the most part she is quiet and sweet, but she does get agitated and it is mentally taxing to handle that and to repeat yourself over and over.

I am drawn to her though, we talk and laugh about silly things, she LOVES the Golden Girls and Animal Planet. She loves to take a ride and to show you her 'things' which are trees/yard stuff. She loves her church and every day she wants to know if they are going to the place and I tell her just like it was for the first time every time..."Sara, we don't have church today" and every time she answers..."we don't? Well, that's good." She is healthy otherwise - no medications other than a vitamin and baby aspirin. She tries to feed me constantly, and that is the biggest thing I do for her is cook and prepare her food.

She doesn't remember much that is recent - if anything. She loves dogs and has a stuffed one beside her on her chair all the time. She thinks it is real, and it is comforting to her to have it. She thinks the people on the TV are really in her house. There was a woman on the news and she yelled for her to get out of her house!!! I changed the channel!!

She remembers her husband Henry, how he was one of her favorite things. I asked her about children and she said she couldn't have any babies, she wanted them but couldn't. SIGH. I told her about Isaac and emphasized his name will have Henry in it and she just lit up. I picked some flowers from her yard and made her a little arrangement and when she came in from raking she went on and on about the things in the thing are so pretty. She just hugged my neck and she isn't very affectionate really.

Makes me really appreciate my family, life and memory...they are are fragile and sometimes fleeting.

Other than back is getting better all the time, Scott is wonderful, family is great and God is still in control!

I have to get off here, my mother in law and father in law are coming for me to take them to this tomato patch to pick a bushel of tomatoes...a bushel sounds like a WHOLE lot! But they are canning them for the winter soups we all love...and spaghetti sauces too!

Thank you all for your prayers and thoughts and support.

P.S. I am heading to IL on the 9th until the 12th to see Rebecca on the 10th for her appointment! YAY and then to spend some quality time with some Divas!! These girls are some of my most precious friends that I have neglected a little lately with all that has been going on. But, I love them all so much...I wouldn't be here in this place if it had not been for them. I would have gave up, gave in, gave out a long time ago. Friends...lost without them. LOVE YOU GIRLS!

Wednesday, August 19, 2009

I talked to her through texts today...

She wanted me to know her doctor's appointment was on the 10th. I had planned to go there next week, but her appointment changed. Good news in a way, the doctor had told her she would have appointments more frequent, every two weeks until birth. But, he changed his mind and gave her a little more time and then she will go every week.

Then, when I told her that is fine that I wanted Leslie to go with me and that might be a date she could go with me. She said she would be around if I still wanted to come next week to see her. I might go both times, I just really want to be face to face with her. We will see.

After a little chit chat about her passing her finals with flying colors and is back in the nursing program in the fall...and that she is feeling good, stuffed but good - she sent me a text asking if she could have a little time with him after he is born before she left the hospital so she could really have that time to remember. I told her yes, she could have all the time she needed with him...she is his first mother!!

She said she also had bought him a few things and then told me she had knitted two blankets for him! I was already crying and told her that he would keep them forever, and love them. I also told her that I knit and crochet too, and was working on him a blanket. The blanket I was making him has drove me nuts. I don't typically have a hard time with a pattern, but I got bored, put it down, picked it back up got lost...ugh. I looked at the bag it was in while we texted and just knew that blanket wasn't meant to be for him. I think I will make him a quilt instead so that her blankets will be the ones he clings to for a long time.

My heart just breaks thinking about her. I am very aware that my miracle and most amazing joy is in turn the source of her greatest pain. I can't reconcile it. I care for her so much already, I don't want her to go through all this, but without her selflessness I may never know the joy of being a parent, a mommy...a wife to the best daddy ever. I need your prayers to ease this guilt I am having at times.

I am so amazed at people and during hard times they still have poured out their love for us in financial ways. I joined a group called Ravelry about a year ago and quickly became friends with Rebecca...a WIP (work in progress). Her blog just is a breath of air most of the time. I love reading her. Then, I put up the chip-in thingy and it seemed like immediately she donated! She is in France with family in the states. I have never seen her, never heard her voice...just pictures and glimpses into each others lives. She amazed me and made me cry :) happy tears. Then a friend I met through an infertility group quickly followed her. Both these women are Christians and have been praying for us. Jamie is such a special person and friend. She has been where I was, and commiserating sometimes breeds the best of friendships. Thanks to both of you for your prayers and unselfish gifts.

Speaking of thank you's...amazing friends praying and helping in so many ways....THANK YOU! Family who have loved us through this, who have been creative in ways to help us reach our goals....THANK YOU! My sister in law Lisa and brother Todd for organizing this benefit...I love you, thank you so much. My brother Johnny is also having us a benefit in Valdese in September. He has a business of stage/light/sound so he is donating his stage and his connections in town to have a pretty big shin dig. His son, precious Little John is bringing his band...sniffles, I love you guys so much. I will share more information when I get it. My mom will have a 'booth' with BBQ and fixin's. THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU!

My baby will be here soon...the countdown on the sidebar keeps my heart pounding. UGH. So long, so soon...Isaac, we love you so already have our hearts wrapped around your tiny little fingers. I can't wait to place you in your daddy's arms.

Keep on prayin' people - all for HIS glory...when God gave us Isaac...we gave him back to God.

And she vowed a vow, and said, O LORD of hosts, if thou wilt indeed look on the affliction of thine handmaid, and remember me, and not forget thine handmaid, but wilt give unto thine handmaid a man child, then I will give him unto the LORD all the days of his life.

Saturday, August 15, 2009


Things are starting to move a little financially - not as much as my heart/brain/impatient mind wants it to...but God knows what He is doing.
Rebecca and I talk nearly every week and I am flying up there on the 26th to go to a doctors appointment with her, see my Divas that live in IL and also see our lawyer! I can't wait. My heart is pounding just thinking of feeling him move...ahhhh.
My back is mostly better every day, but some days I do way too much and it reminds me that it has still been a short time since the surgery and I can't be wonder woman yet! :)