Wednesday, August 19, 2009

I talked to her through texts today...

She wanted me to know her doctor's appointment was on the 10th. I had planned to go there next week, but her appointment changed. Good news in a way, the doctor had told her she would have appointments more frequent, every two weeks until birth. But, he changed his mind and gave her a little more time and then she will go every week.

Then, when I told her that is fine that I wanted Leslie to go with me and that might be a date she could go with me. She said she would be around if I still wanted to come next week to see her. I might go both times, I just really want to be face to face with her. We will see.

After a little chit chat about her passing her finals with flying colors and is back in the nursing program in the fall...and that she is feeling good, stuffed but good - she sent me a text asking if she could have a little time with him after he is born before she left the hospital so she could really have that time to remember. I told her yes, she could have all the time she needed with him...she is his first mother!!

She said she also had bought him a few things and then told me she had knitted two blankets for him! I was already crying and told her that he would keep them forever, and love them. I also told her that I knit and crochet too, and was working on him a blanket. The blanket I was making him has drove me nuts. I don't typically have a hard time with a pattern, but I got bored, put it down, picked it back up got lost...ugh. I looked at the bag it was in while we texted and just knew that blanket wasn't meant to be for him. I think I will make him a quilt instead so that her blankets will be the ones he clings to for a long time.

My heart just breaks thinking about her. I am very aware that my miracle and most amazing joy is in turn the source of her greatest pain. I can't reconcile it. I care for her so much already, I don't want her to go through all this, but without her selflessness I may never know the joy of being a parent, a mommy...a wife to the best daddy ever. I need your prayers to ease this guilt I am having at times.

I am so amazed at people and during hard times they still have poured out their love for us in financial ways. I joined a group called Ravelry about a year ago and quickly became friends with Rebecca...a WIP (work in progress). Her blog just is a breath of air most of the time. I love reading her. Then, I put up the chip-in thingy and it seemed like immediately she donated! She is in France with family in the states. I have never seen her, never heard her voice...just pictures and glimpses into each others lives. She amazed me and made me cry :) happy tears. Then a friend I met through an infertility group quickly followed her. Both these women are Christians and have been praying for us. Jamie is such a special person and friend. She has been where I was, and commiserating sometimes breeds the best of friendships. Thanks to both of you for your prayers and unselfish gifts.

Speaking of thank you's...amazing friends praying and helping in so many ways....THANK YOU! Family who have loved us through this, who have been creative in ways to help us reach our goals....THANK YOU! My sister in law Lisa and brother Todd for organizing this benefit...I love you, thank you so much. My brother Johnny is also having us a benefit in Valdese in September. He has a business of stage/light/sound so he is donating his stage and his connections in town to have a pretty big shin dig. His son, precious Little John is bringing his band...sniffles, I love you guys so much. I will share more information when I get it. My mom will have a 'booth' with BBQ and fixin's. THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU!

My baby will be here soon...the countdown on the sidebar keeps my heart pounding. UGH. So long, so soon...Isaac, we love you so already have our hearts wrapped around your tiny little fingers. I can't wait to place you in your daddy's arms.

Keep on prayin' people - all for HIS glory...when God gave us Isaac...we gave him back to God.

And she vowed a vow, and said, O LORD of hosts, if thou wilt indeed look on the affliction of thine handmaid, and remember me, and not forget thine handmaid, but wilt give unto thine handmaid a man child, then I will give him unto the LORD all the days of his life.


  1. It's going to be here before you know it! I love hearing that God is providing!!


  2. I have chillsreading this. i understand how you feel about rebecca - the guilt mixed with the love and thankfulness. i've been thinking a lot about you and isaac and rebecca. i dont know if i told you or not but my dh and i split up the day we were to get married 'i was 2 months pregnant with my first) and i went back to usa heart broken and scared and with many family members and christophe wanting me to have an abortionand rebecca's situation really brings a lot of memeories from that time back. and its funny we have the same name and that's she's going to be a nurse like me. but i doubt God would be wanting you to feel in the least bit guilty about this - He arranged it! He's giving you this child as a gift! I know you know this already and all and also that it's much easier to say than to do ;)
    i hope you get to go meet her next week.
    your back better every day?

  3. Excited for you to meet your son soon. What a wonderful story...