Tuesday, August 22, 2006

Pastor wants to talk...

I was worried...wasn't sure why, but he was a little ominous when he said it to me...and he was pretty clear he didn't want to talk while Scott was there. So, we made an appointment. This was Tuesday, August 15th at 10:00. I get there and walk into his office. We sit down and you would really have to know my pastor, he is a little intimidating but not....not sure how to explain that. He started talking to me, telling me how he knew that my life was troubled and I was in a dark place. I told him that I had been, but that even though my health hadn't gotten much better, I was accepting things better and that I wasn't as angry as I was. A few different messages he had preached and the Greenes had healed my heart a lot!

He said he had been burdened for me and that God gave him a verse to give to me...Isaiah 26:3
Thou wilt keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on thee: because he trusteth in thee. I read it and read it and wow...it started working!! Anyways, he also said...Hope, I want you to write everything down that has had you in this dark place and rip it up....burn it...throw it in the ocean...whatever....but when you do, GIVE IT TO GOD! Then claim that verse.

We talked a little longer, we prayed and we prayed for answers. I left there feeling so empowered, so much lighter...I really hoped that I could do all the things I said I would. I did the list, I wrote out the verse. I felt better!

I woke up the next morning, Scott handed me the phone. There were 2 missed calls. One was from 6:32...who was calling at 6:32??? It looked like a work number, I was like on noooo they are not calling me in!! The other was just before 8. There was a voice mail, so I called it and listened and it was the neurologist. { *BACKING UP A LITTLE* The Neurologist had sent me for a sleep study. We were at the point that he was starting to rule out things since everything else was pretty much coming back clear. Sleep apnea was a possibility since I snored...so off I went for this HORRIBLE test. I thought nothing would come of it really, I didn't sleep during the test (at least it didn't feel like it) and until I started reading some things about it...I really thought it was a long shot! } He calls back and he says "Hope, you have definite severe Sleep Apnea." I was silent, every diagnosis or whatever from the docs have been like this...possible, probable, maybe, ...blah blah...but this time, I just heard him say YOU HAVE DEFINITE.... I started bawling, he was like HOPE...stop, sleep apnea is easy to work on...most of the time a cpap mask at night will fix it. I told him that wasn't why I was crying. He was like ????? I said I am THRILLED to have it, I am excited that I have SOMETHING, something I can wrap my head around and something that I can explain to my husband, my friends...my family. Something you can fix...something I can maybe stop some of these drugs I am taking right now. I HAVE SOMETHING REAL...I was to the point of thinking my mind was making me feel like this.

This was less than 24 hours from the time that I had my meeting with the pastor...AIN'T GOD GOOD???!!!

But just to make this all come full circle. I went home to see family this past weekend, and I spent most of Sunday with mom and dad....and LILY!! OOOOooo she is so precious, but when I get pics off my camera, I will just post a whole post about that!! Oh yeah...MISTI and BRADY too *smiles* Just kidding...Misti is such a great mother...watching her with Lily took every strength I had not to cry continuously! I digress....haha

I was telling mom about the meeting with the pastor, and then told her the verse that he gave me...that the Lord told him to give to me. I know mom is emotional like me, but I was more than a little confused when the tears were flowing so heavily down her soft pink cheeks. I finally stopped talking long enough to ask her why she was crying. She said when Mark died, she was so grief stricken, she didn't know where to turn and she was sleeping and God gave her that chapter in her sleep and she has been claiming that as her life verse every since. I didn't know that! I am still wowed by that. Out of all the verses he could have given me that would have inspired me or lifted me up, he gave me the one that healed my own mothers heart!

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