Tuesday, September 30, 2008


For all the encouragement. I detest getting in that frame of mind.

Dad visited the doctors today and they didn't see anything new, just he is being really slow at getting over the funk he had. He called me and we talked for about an hour yesterday - unlike him really, but he was at the VA hospital in Asheville and they were being extremely slow. We just chatted about random things, I asked him about going to Santee fishing maybe in a month or so and he seemed so disinterested. Besides all things God, fishing and golfing are his passions. I just don't know how to react to it. SIGH

Other than that, we started a strict budget for the Mr. and I. The effects of me not working have caught up with us financially and we have got to do something. So, I created an Excel spreadsheet budget thingy and already am amazed at how much we spend. We aren't changing too much this month just really watching where it is going and then November 1st, we will pass out from the lack of money in our bank account and where it went. YUCK!

Spending tomorrow with Lena...kinda strange, her and I have gotten so close. And as Kooo Kooooo as this may sound...I actually love being with my mother in law. Go ahead call me crazy!

Anyone else have trouble deciding what to watch with all the new things on TV? So much I wanted to keep up with but have no time to really watch them. I asked Scott when Hero's and Lost was coming back on and he said..."Um, Hun...already on!"

I am making the cutest afghans! One is for Caleb and it is a spiderman web looking one - super cute! I have to have a few going at once because I get bored working on the same thing over and over. I have made some hats and scarves for some kiddos in IL that I am going to see soon. Umm, I have found a super cute hat and poncho to make for Italy and Ida Hope.

When miss Rebekah gives me the colors she wants I am gonna start on her baby blanket...here it is - can use whatever colors you want - thought some lime-ish green would be pretty in there somewhere too!

hmm guess that is all.

Sunday, September 28, 2008

Scott and Hope...

Sitting in a tree
First came love,
Second came marriage,
Then here comes Hope pushing...umm, well...nothing.

From the time of my first crush (Steve Penland a friend of my brothers...I was like 10 and he was like 25...but he was so cute!) Anyways - we all have had that said about us, we believed that is how it happens. I followed the rules dang it, where is my flipping baby carriage!?!

I have been trying, I have been praying. I want some peace until things are right to start our adoption journey. But then I have days like today or yesterday and I just feel my heart is broken and that every day it breaks a little more.

Friday we got Italy, we went to John and Lena's (our inlaws) and spent the night with her...and with the Chirsten and Caleb. Italy was fussy - first time being fussy with us. She is teething and had a little cold. But the no sleep and worry and her being high maintenance was worth it just to see her little smile the next morning when we woke up.

Saturday afternoon after the kids had left, I gave her a bath and was getting her ready to go home. John and Lena came into the bedroom and all four of us were hanging out with Italy passing her around basically. John was the biggest hit, she just laughed and cooed and flirted with him...it was precious. John loved it too. I sat back tears teetering feeling the crushing weight of the realization that this isn't our time really. This isn't PawPaw John entertaining his granddaughter. This wasn't my baby hanging out with her daddy and MawMaw. This wasn't a memory to write down in her baby book. She isn't mine. Ohh I would love for her to be, you should see her!

When we took her home, I cried all the way there. I tell Kita and Brad about her cold and what we did for her teething. Then watched as they carried her into the house. I want to see her all I can, but the pain of giving her up after a few days is so hard. I swear I heard her last night and started to ask Scott if he would check on her. Lena even said she thought she heard her twice. I got in bed and finally had my true meltdown. Held by the best husband ever made. He wrapped me up and soaked up all my tears and fears and told me he loved me and for a short period of time all was right with my world. You have probably realized that I am a drama queen to a point - I cry at commercials sometimes!!

My daddy isn't doing well. He has always been a rock. He is a smallish man, but he was a giant in my eyes growing up and even up until the last month or so he was invincible. He had pneumonia a few weeks ago and was in the hospital for a week. He thought he was feeling better and they let him come home. He has been so weak. This man who took care of two gardens, plowing, planting, picking...he did it all. I saw him on Sunday and was concerned. So I went and spent the night with them on Tuesday night - they LOVED that by the way :). I watched him when he walked and after every step he trembled. He held onto things when he walked. He stayed in bed most of the day.

Will he know my children? He told me he was tired and didn't know how much longer he could do this. I told him he still had a lot to do for our Lord and he has to teach me his pickling tricks. He smiled and then I said and you got to hang around to teach my children how to fish, tell them stories about Jesus, how to make things grow..so much. He didn't say a word, he didn't look at me. I just snuggled up with him and silently cried. He couldn't hear me crying anyways - he listens to the TV at maximum volume...and ALWAYS on Fox News!

I am blessed to have such great in laws, I get comfort knowing our children will have them...but my dad and mom...*GASP* I never dreamed when I was K-I-S-S-I-N-G in the tree that I wouldn't get to push the carriage. I always pictured my daddy out on the boat showing our child how to put the worm on the hook, or how to put the minnow on so it won't flip off and catch a big ole crappie. I want memories made of them coming in with a huge haul - or one skinny catfish. My daddy knows the Bible and teaches so well, I want him to teach our child things that will form his faith and make his love for God be stronger than any love in their lives. WHERE IS MY CARRIAGE!?!?

sorry for a blah post

Maybe this will turn it all around. My daddy walks in from being outside. He has coaxed these two baby chicks (they have lots of hens and roosters and they have babies - such a sweet sound baby chicks) he has coaxed them to eat out of his hand. Well now they are bigger and they jump on his lap to eat. He goes and gets fancy parrot food! Well, I was laying on the couch with Italy sleeping and all of a sudden I hear this gurgle gurgle and I look up and there stands my poppy with a chicken in his arms smiling from ear to ear. I busted out laughing at him and mom saw it and of course she shooed him out with it. He feels like crap and still tries to make those around him happy...best dad ever.

Wednesday, September 17, 2008

not much going on...

Hard to post regular when there isn't much going on. Had bronchitis, went to doc got meds almost over it. See B-O-R-I-N-G!

I feel like I am standing still. I am moody. Some family (and I use that term loosley) has forgotten what it means to love their kids without limits - especially when they are only 5! I can't talk about it, I just don't want to put it out there in the bloggerverse and one day he might see it or worse his dad and step mom sees it and I am sure it will make things worse.

I need a recharge or something. I have an exciting trip next month to a friends wedding. A friend I met on line actually. There are 11 of us that were TTC and we met and while there were a lot of women on that board, we all just clicked. I will be seeing at least 4 of them, maybe more! Kari and I will sing at the wedding, Jami is the Matron of Honor - it is all just a wonderful time to be had. I so NEED this!

Then almost as soon as I get home, Jubilee by The Sea will be happening! Talk about some recharging! Some of the best singers and preachers, missionaries gather at my old church in Myrtle Beach SC and if that all wasn't enough...the cherry on top of all of that...heck she is the whipped cream and chocolate too...I get to see Leslie and Burt and the boys! *whew got all teary eyed thinking about that*

November...another thanksgiving.
December...another Christmas and Scott's birthday.
January...another birthday for me.

Another year gone by. empty.

Friday, September 05, 2008


I don't even know how to snippit this!

First, I didn't get Memphis last weekend. Due to some family things, we felt it was better to put all of our focus on Chirsten and Caleb.

They are going through so much right now. My brother in law and his wife and her son have made some decisions concerning the kids that have had reprecussions I don't think they expected. What started out to make some of us so angry has really turned into a blessing that some things are out and sadly for my brother in law it backfired from what he wanted/thought would happen.

But, Caleb and Chirsten will never forget all of this and shouldn't have to be going through it. They are two of the best behaved children I have ever been around, they are super loving and they never hesitate to do what it takes to make me smile. Pray for them, they need it so much. Pray for Amanda their mother, she is really a great mom and while we had our differences in the past...a lot of them were my own *you're having a baby and I'm not* kind of differences, she has matured and grown as a mother, woman, friend, and child of God.

Chris needs your prayers as well, he is close to losing his son's love. Chris has always had so much love from his family and he loved family time together. He has changed so much in the past year, I wish I could say for the good. They are out of church (I don't think church has ever been a part of her life). She is pregnant and the way it stands now that baby will never be a part of our lives.

Pray for John and Lena my in laws, they are having such a tough time. They love their grandchildren so much and would move heaven and earth to keep them safe. They are good Christian people who have tried to keep the kids in church and teach them right and wrong.

The kids have people praying for them so much, evil better watch out when you have God's children praying. Chirsten was just saved last year, and she loves to tell it!

Scott and I have both been sick all week with a fever, sore throat and coughing. I was the glorious recipient of a migraine mid week as well...thanks Dad! (I think I inherited them from him!) My dad was in the hospital with pneumonia for several days! He is home doing much better. My brother's house was broken into while he was out of town...he is obsessed with 100 dollar bills and had a roll of them in his bedroom. When him and his wife got home someone had taken the roll and a 1932 100 dollar bill that was in laminate. The detective got some prints - the theif(s) took the laminate off and left it on the floor. We went to the zoo with the kids on Saturday, got there and there were NO wheelchairs left (forgot it was labor day weekend) so I had to walk the entire zoo - C R A Z Y! I made it but took pain pills and slept for nearly 2 days straight. Still very sore but would have done anything to make those kids smile after the week they had.

hmm We had a birthday party for my mother on Friday night last week, was really fun. It was gonna be little but it grew and grew, which I am glad it did...she loves getting and giving love!

I will post pictures soon, have so many to choose from.

Please pray for Shannon too, she is so close to her wedding! Can't wait til she gets a box in the mail from me :)

Please pray for Kari, she is considering IVF and there are things that concern her.

Please pray for Christina and Carla, dear friends who are about to have their babies.

Please pray for Robyn - she is about to have her FET. She also has a praise, she had a scan and is 5 years cancer free! PRAISE THE LORD!

My friend Michelle lives in LA and is without power and such, she has a 1 year old!

ok this was longer than what I thought it would be...

Thursday, September 04, 2008

Name Game

I have had so much going on in my life - and funny it isn't really anything to do with Scott or me really. Yet the concern and the pain of it is as real as if it were our own children going through it. I will post a snippet of it later.

Until then....

I am pooped so thought this would be a lazy day post :)

The Name Game
1.Your rock star name (first pet, current car): Rusty MG (couldn't make that up if I tried)

2.Your gangsta name (favorite ice cream flavor, favorite type of shoe): Black Cherry Clog

3.Your Native American name (favorite color, favorite animal): Purple Cat

4.Your soap opera name (middle name, city where you were born): Ellen Morganton

5.Your Star Wars name (the first 3 letters of your last name, first 2 of your first name): Hopil...hmm that could work

6.Superhero name (2nd favorite color, favorite drink): Green Tea (didn't fake this, I love lime green and love me some southern sweet tea!)

7.NASCAR name (the first names of your grandfathers): John Tom...not a great NASCAR Name...at least it isn't Dick Trickle :o

8.Dancer name (the name of your favorite perfume/cologne/scent, favorite candy): Lucky 3 Muskateers

9.TV weather anchor name (your 5th grade teacher’s last name, a major city that starts with the same letter): Rhyne Rochester

10.Spy name (your favorite season/holiday, flower): Spring Daisy

11.Cartoon name:(favorite fruit, article of clothing you’re wearing right now): Cherry PJs

12.Hippie name (what you ate for breakfast, your favorite tree): Frosted Flake Willow

13.Movie star name (first pet, first street where you lived): Rusty Jenkins

Your turn!