New life

Today at p.m. Illan Daniel Miller was delivered into this world. He weighed 6 pounds 15 ounces and was 19 3/4 inches long.

Cara started having contractions late Sunday night and went to the doctors Monday at 1 pm. They opted to send her to the hospital for observation at first, but then admitted her. The doctor said Illan wouldn't make his grand appearance until today at the earliest. So all went home to get sleep and prepare for the big day. Lisa stopped and picked me up so I could be with her today and there were no feelings of I don't want to, I can't do this...none of what I feel typically when a baby is being born.

We get there, Cara isn't talking, she is hurting so bad...and I will say it...she was plain EVIL! :) Not once to me, but to others including the nurse lol. Time goes sooo slow, they talked about Pitocen and epidurals and about that time...Misti, Brady and the sweetest little girl ever...Lily arive. Every time I see her I gasp. She is so beautiful, and her eyes...are so striking. See what I mean:

There is nothing touched up...the blue is the blue of her eyes. I did black and white the pic though...just thought that was a neat thing :)

I knew I couldn't pick her up, and I was hurting soo bad in my back that I didn't oooogle over her like I usually do when I see her. I wanted to, I didn't...sigh, All the way home all I could think about was what if Lily remembers I didn't play with her or hold her...lol...I know, next time I see her she will forget about this time. Once Scott gets settled in his job....I hope that Misti and I can do things together...if nothing but hang out. I want Lily to run to me, to hug my neck, to hold out her arms for Aunt Hopie.

OKOKOK...
I know this post is supposed to be about Illan...but look at her...

Ok where was I?

They give her the Pitocen at around 11 and then about 12ish they break her water and give her the epidural. She dilated to an 8 by 130 and her contractions are 2-4 minutes apart. OOOoo getting so close. I sat down beside Cara and held her hand, she was hurting sooo bad. The only time before Illan was born that I cried. I hated to see her hurting. I leaned down to kiss her hand and told her that if she needed me in there that I would come. Then her and Randall said that if he couldn't handle it...could I come in. I can't tell you how that made me feel. Ok, I did cry again then.

The nurse came in and asked us to step out that she needed to check her and then WAhhh la... 2:10 or so...she was dilated a 9...almost 10 and said we would have a baby soon. I could hear her having Cara push and breathe. Then came the doctor at 2:28...4 minutes before the baby was born EEEEK. I snapped a pic of the clock as soon as I heard them say...here he is! Needless to say Randall made it through and I didn't go in. Then I run to the door and turn the video part of my camera on and record his first cry...awww such a precious sound. Someone said, you go 9 months waiting to hear that cry then a life time trying to keep them from it :)...ok I just made that up...pretty good huh?



We finally get to go in...I say finally it was like 14 minutes after the birth...lol We go in and they are handing him to Cara.. Cara looked 100 % different than when I had seen her 30 minutes earlier. She is smiling, happy and talking! Yawning a lot too though. She hands him off to Randall...he reluctantly takes him, worried about hurting him. AWWW
Then...it was my turn...I was the first non parent person to hold him...felt sooo special! He was so tiny wrapped up in that big ole blanket. He is just too cute for words. He has Randalls mouth, My eyes..lol and Caras face and ears. OOOooo I could just eat him up.

Then the rest of the family held him. I finally got through to Scott at 5ish I guess. He insisted on coming there to see the baby and Cara, he loves her so much. And of course to see me. Here is Lily touching him...aww

I really was fine, so happy for her, not one selfish thought until...until I saw my sweet sweet husband walk through the doors. He worked 9 hours today drove almost 3 total and still wanted to share this with me. He came in, could tell he had been crying a little. He walked into the room, lots of people still in there and he came to me and just hugged me so tenderly. The baby was in the nursery, so he didn't get to hold him. But there he stood...this man who would be...who will be such a great daddy, and his arms, his heart, his whole being void of a child. I feel so responsible...and yeah say it all...it isn't my fault, blah blah blah blah blah. We walked to the nursery, held our emotions and then said out goodbyes and as soon as we got to the car...sobbing ensued. I don't understand it, I don't guess I am not supposed to or ever will. All I know...my wonderful, sweet, loving husband deserves the title DADDY! SIGH..sorry Pity party over...

All in all it was a wonderful day. Illan is happy and healthy, his first night on this crazy earth. I hope to spoil him, love him and let him know...I will be there.

Illan, one day you may read this...doubt it, but you may. You have such a cute little butt...ok made you blush. But, you have beautiful skin, hands, feet, ears, mouth and nose. Your mommy and daddy are so happy to have you here finally. Your grandparents and cousins and aunts and uncles are just so in love with you already. You will have so many people there for you while you grow up. Jesus loves you baby boy, I hope you cling to Him and His promise. Not only does he love you, but so do your Uncle Scooter and I!

Ok.... I have written a short book. But, so many emotions I had to get them down.