Mother's Day..

I don't know how to celebrate tomorrow. Mother's day is usually hard for me...I feel so happy on one hand that I am blessed to have such a wonderful mother...but I am so sad that I haven't been the one to be celebrated. I rarely can sit through a Mother's Day sermon at church, I think my mom understands.

But, this Mother's Day is doubly painful. I am still not a mother, and my mother isn't here. Her body is laying in a bed in ICU at the hospital...but her mind isn't there. Her heart isn't there. I don't think I can even go see her on Mother's Day. It is too painful to walk in there and hear what she is saying. I could take that...but every time I walk in her heart rate jumps up, she starts breathing fast...she is so agitated. I don't want to make anything worse on her and if me going in there makes things worse...I think I will go and just sit out in the waiting area and see how everyone does when she goes in. Todd and Daddy are going in the morning, I hope she is in a better frame of mind and doesn't talk bad to daddy.

On another note...I don't know how to thank Todd and Lisa for all they have done for me through this all. Todd calls me every day, not to just ask about Mom, but to ask about ME. He mowed my grass and weed eated. Lisa has been there for me like no one else. She loves mom as much as if she was her own mother. Lisa made me come home, she stayed there for me and would call to let me know how mom was. I am so blessed to have them as my family. Others have called and such, but they really have shown me how much they care. So if you see this Lisa...I LOVE YOU and am so happy we are close again and so thankful you are there for me.

I got home tonight, seemed like the worse day of my life and I walk in...we open the door for Sandy to go out and there is a box. It is from Jennifer, a friend online...she is so precious. She was so kind and thoughtful to do this. Just when I hit the bottom...a friend indeed was there.

I don't know how tomorrow will go....all I know is I miss my mom, I miss her soft touch and her warmth and love...I miss her singing softly while she cooks, I miss her praying over me, I miss her....I miss her :(