Sunday, September 16, 2007

Even in the Valley...

High upon this mountain - the sun is shining bright
My heart is filled with gladness here above the cares of life
But I've just come through the valley of trouble, fear and pain
It was there I came to know my God enough to stand and say

Even in the valley - God is good
Even in the valley - He is faithful and true
He carries his children through - like He said He would
Even in the valley - God is good

The road of life has lead you to a valley of defeat
You wonder if the Father has heard your desperate plea
But there is hope in the rugged place where tears of sorrow dwell
Can't you hear Him gently whispering "I am hear and all is well"

I want to hear Him whispering, I sit quietly sometimes turning off everything and close my eyes waiting to hear that this trial is almost over. I haven't heard those words, but tonight after a long few hours of a pity party...I sat quietly praying and a feeling of it won't be long settled over me and it is like I can see the light at the end of the tunnel. I pray that this is something real and not just my wishful thinking.

I am so blessed, I know this...I know that God has overwhelmingly blessed me with friends and family and Scott, sometimes I feel selfish asking for more.

My heart is so heavy for so many reasons. I go back to the doctor on the 25th and I guess we will see what is next. The pain in my leg, the numbness is still there. Maybe not as intense as before but I am on drugs :) I keep hearing the doctors warning...the nerve may be damaged permanently...if so I guess this is something I may have to live with. I am just praying for His will and I pray it is complete healing.

The baby bug is biting again too, kind of funny since we can't even make love right now. I think that losing a little weight has helped my cycles as they have been more normal since the surgeries. I think I even had ovulation pains last month. It was about 18 days into my cycle and 14 days later my period started...who knows.

Little Tom called and we talked for a long time, he sent me pictures of my great neice. She is beautiful. I pray that mom, dad, Tommy and I will be able to drive out to see them before Christmas. I am working on a family album for him with pictures of everyone. He has texted me a few times and Brad, Cara and Lisa have talked to him too. His mom Annie called too and that really touched my heart so much. I loved her so much and miss her.

Mom is feeling much better, she spent a few days in the hospital but is home doing fine now. She was more worried about me than herself. Lisa and Cara came and stayed two days, got to see Illan...he is growing sooo much. Lena brought Caleb and they stayed one day. I tried to tell mom that I will be fine this week, but she insists on coming to stay with me. Mom is so awesome, she gives the best advice and has such a loving heart. I feel so honored when people say I remind them of her. I remember when I was younger I said I will never be like her...and now I am how time changes. I had to look at her through God's eyes and I saw an angel.

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