Yeah, it is really 3:43 am. I have been awake since 2:33 am. I took a pain pill so this is not the norm for me. I went to sleep fine, easy and Scott knows it is gonna be a good night when I can drift off to sleep right when he does basically.
Before I did fall to sleep...actually I think I fell asleep during - oops sorry God, I was praying. Praying for God to answer some financial issues, praying for Rebecca and hoping that she is doing fine and nothing is wrong. Since learning of her, the prospect of taking this journey has been emotional on all sorts of levels as I am sure you could imagine. But, one of the greatest concerns has been financial.
I haven't worked in over 2 years. Scott's current job is one of the lowest paying jobs he has had in his career...maybe the lowest. But, we have no doubt that this job was a gift from God and all gifts from God are good...can I get an amen? (This was the message Sunday morning)
But, we went from two really good salaries to one not so good salary. I won't go into details but just in doctor visits (not surgeries or procedures or RX's or tests...just visits) have put a major dent in our 'extra' monies each month. Last month alone I saw 4 different doctors spread out in 9 different visits.
So yeah - finances have become intense.
Where did I think that money for a home study, lawyer, travel, other expenses was gonna come from? I looked at our savings, which was looking pretty good for a while - and umm well, *blush* 2840....oops I missed a decimal...28.40. Sweet, I could use that to put gas in the car to get to the airport in Charlotte. SIGH
But, I have faith that God will make a way. I have to. Faith sustains me in so many ways. Without it I just couldn't handle this chronic pain. Without faith, this sad deep pain of infertility would devour me.
So, my mind slips off to dream land while I am whispering prayers to my ever present, all knowing, wonderful, graceful God around 1130ish. I wake up with tears streaming down my face, with my heart so full, my head about to explode to tell someone what I really feel God just opened my eyes to. I lay there for 20 minutes rubbing Scott's hand, playing with his hair, moving around and finally I whisper "I love you" and he says..."you gotta go pee?" I giggle no. (I have to get out on his side of the bed to go to the bathroom right now - long story)
Then he asked why was I shaking, and I told him that I just had this answer from God about our finances. I took my crap (cpap) mask off and said it again, and this time Scott sat up on his elbow to listen.
I didn't dream it, I woke up just knowing...and it really scared me that He can just do that.
I love photography (as I have bored you to tears with pics I am sure). I want to start a little business one day. Not as much for money but for the joy I get from taking pictures and seeing others love them when I show the shots to them. (though money is nice).
I woke up to knowing what I needed to do to make money for our adoption plans, to get my business off the ground and to feed that joy.
I am making fliers come tomorrow to give to friends, family, docs offices (should get something back from all the money I spend there) and where ever else I can think of.
25 dollars, I come to you and take your pictures - family, baby...whatever (weddings scare me though) and I put the best on a cd/dvd and give it to them to print or I have access to a professional printing company that will create packages for me.
I know I am not a professional photographer by any means, but I love it, I am told I have a good eye for it and God gives us things that we love and are good at for a reason and He gave me a reason at 230 this morning.
I have this thing about asking for money from people - even family. I just can't do it. I can do it if I am giving them something even better in return.
I asked Scott if I was crazy or if the pain pill has done a job on me and through tears of his own he said no. He thinks I am good at it. He has always encouraged me to go for it. I have been my worse critic.
He wanted to kick me out of the bed when I said I had to blog about it right now. But, he is snoring now so I know I am not keeping him awake.
So family, friends...expect to hear more over the next few days - yay.
Ok, now you can return to your regularly scheduled programming.
God is good all the time.
Call unto me, and I will answer thee, and show thee great and mighty things, which thou knowest not.