January of last year...I turned 37, my best friends had their beautiful son Colin.
February we celebrate our 16th year of marriage...I am so blessed!!
March is our one year anniversary at the church :) I met and fell in love with the Divas!!!
June...June 7th I went to church to sing a song and the night ended with me in the hospital. Most of June is a blur.
September I was allowed to go back to work and realized how my being sick had really changed our lives. Our finances were beyond drained, emotionally and physically everything had worn Scott out. Seeing our fertility doctor, he insisted we wait at least 6 months before trying to have a child again due to the health issues. My back started bothering me more...it just seemed like one thing after another and this month is when it all came to a head. We gave up our house, car and life at Myrtle Beach. We chose to make some changes and that our wants had been quite a bit ambitious. We started realizing family and home was something we missed.
October Chris moves home to NC and we started packing and moving stuff to NC.
November...Thanksgiving with our families...really cinches our desire to move home. We see our nieces and nephews and realize how much we are missing out on. We also decide not to spend any more money or time on fertility treatments and start the adoption journey. We decided we will start with Foster care.
December we spend time in hotels and also with our friends Burt and Leslie and Colin. I can't tell you how wonderful it was staying there. It was wonderful to spend time with them, but I felt so blessed to be a part of their every day lives. Putting Colin to bed with a silly song was my favorite, I teared up nearly every time. To hear Leslie reading to him as she put him down for naps, watching his eyes light up every time he got near the Christmas tree and the dancing nutcrakcers. To hear him squeal with excitement when his daddy walked through the door. To snuggle him and play with him and try to get him to say my name instead of DADADADADA...grr. He is infectious, precious, mesmerizing and sooo darn cute. I am so blessed by him and his parents. I miss them so much already :(.
But I know that things happen for a reason, there is that saying If God brings you too it, He will bring you through it. I do feel we are on the way out of the sickness and sadness, being with family these last two weeks has made me realize this is really where God wants us to be. God sent us to Myrtle Beach I know it. Our first independently chosen church...well, I am sure we didn't chose it really...God sent us there. But it was where we needed to be to dig our heels into our walk with God, we took off the roller skates and stopped skating along behind my parents and the church they were at. My parents were apprehensive about our church, it was opposite from theirs...they thought. It may be 10 times bigger (literally) than their church, but it is homey and personal and you don't feel lost in it. The pastor is phenomenal, he touched our hearts and lives immediately. Our second clue that this was our church. Our first was so random. We were supposed to go to another church that first Sunday, but they were having homecoming dinner and being a PK (preachers kid) I knew the M-O. They would insist on us staying and probably the preachers wife cooked enough for an army like my mom would...just in case there were visitors. SOooo we went to the next closest church. They were in the old building then, we walked in and they had some special music...and who do you think was there?? The Whisnants from our home town, I had listened to them since I was a teen. The church was having Jubilee. We knew from that service and how great everyone was that this was our church. We moved home shortly after that though, Daddy had his heart attack and it was necessary I think, but within 9 months we were moving back to Myrtle Beach. We went right back to Grand Strand Baptist and joined shortly after that. Doug Smith the choir director and his wife have been so wonderful to us, Julie my fellow alto and I buddied up right away...she has a great voice. Bill Suillivan and his wife Becky were our Sunday School teachers and they couldn't have been sweeter or a bigger blessing to us. They are best friends and husband and wife, they are not ashamed of their love for each other. THEN....we met and became friends with Burt and Leslie...our first lunch outing...Cracker Barrel....I felt we just fit from the get go. Anyways...I know this church is more high tech, larger, they do things on a grander scale, missionaries are a big part...but all of this is for God's glory. This church is Biblical, they follow God's word and He is in every service. It is hard to explain, but this church, pastor, friends, music director, Sunday school...the Spirit in this church brought Scott and I back to where we should be...not that we were doping, stealing, drinking, horrible people...but we weren't walking the walk.
SOooo...Tomorrow even though it is the last day of the year...a big beginning is happening tomorrow. My baby boy nephew who called me opie til he was .... heck he still does sometimes. My nephew who is always there when I need him, who hugs me and tells me he loves me, who loves Scott so much, who spent last night with me...my sweet baby...ok not a baby anymore. He is getting married tomorrow. I had already planned to go back to Myrtle beach for a party with our Sunday School...but looking at him last night, and looking at the invitation...I can't, I just can't miss this wedding. He was in my wedding, he was my ring bearer. In his little grey tux. I will have to post a pic of that. Tomorrow he will be in his own tux, walking down the aisle to marry his junior/high school sweetheart Marquita. He loves her so much, and he had a lot to overcome and if he didn't really love her...he could have just let the relationship end. Marquita is black. I think I was one of the first...if not the first to know he was dating her. Little history...my family is from the foothills/mountains of NC. My father is a typical old timey southern Baptist preacher. Dating outside ones race was not appropriate and when Bradley started telling people/family...the reactions were pretty narrow...and I admit, I wasn't sure, was one of those saying "This isn't right in God's eyes", though I had nothing to back it up with...just repeating what others I trusted said. I know some family, including myself gave Brad a hard time. Then, I started reading and searching the Bible about it. I couldn't find anything. I found where it said...not equally yoked...but with unbelievers...Brad and Marquita are Christians, they both are believers. I read where Moses wife was of another race, and Aaron and Miriam were punished for talking bad about their marriage. I probably should have been more vocal about my acceptance, but my family can be very difficult. Then, it almost seems overnight his parents, my parents, most of our family have accepted it and welcomed her with open arms. This was several years ago and has made Brad so happy and I think has made their relationship better. There are a few aunts and uncles and such that won't accept it, won't come to the wedding or showers, but that is their loss and opinions. I just pray they will accept it and not lose time with our precious Bradley! Marquita...Kita he calls her, treats Brad so good. I haven't spent much time with them, but plan on it while they are at the beach. I can't wait to surprise him tomorrow showing up at his wedding. Hmm what to wear???? The color is red and black. I can't wait to get to know her better, but I love her already....for loving my Brad so much and making him so happy. sniffffles.
Ok, I know this post was way crazy and all over the place. I haven't posted much lately....been in a funk. My back was out through the holidays, my pity party about not having a child always hits at Christmas. I want to have traditions with my baby and watch Scott creating such a wild imagination and sense of wonder in our child. I want to see our child go crazy at his grandparents and want to see their faces when the get that one thing they really really wanted...and ohh to wrap all the presents for him or her...or both :). It really is an empty place in my heart at Christmas. I hate that I don't enjoy the holidays like I used to. I pray that God puts that back in my heart soon.
Being with my family and seeing all their joys has made it easier....I hope next Christmas 'something' will be different.
OK...I have wrote a lot...will get up and get some things done.