Yesterday, I was having this inner battle about singing again. I haven't sung a solo since June 7th happened. I was thinking about doing a Christmas-y song. Then this song came on the radio... I live is the name of it. I was like wow... it sooooooo relates to my situation and how I feel about singing. I have been so scared of it happening again..and I know that is the devil putting those fears there. So I get to work and tried to find the song online, they didn't announce the name or the singer so I was looking for the totally wrong song. Couldn't find it. I put a Christmas sound track in and was considering it...and at the end of sound tracks they have...what's new in sound tracks. Guess what song was there????? So, I really know it was meant to be, went by the book store that has sound tracks....and there it was. Sooo I called Doug our choir director and told him...I gotta sing. 1 - I know God wants me to and He deserves my praise...2 - The devil is not winning this! Sooo tonight I will sing. Scott doesn't know! I am a little nervous but really am at peace with it. So ya'll pray for me!
I say so a lot huh?? Ha ha. Here are the lyrics to that song...
Move in me, as You must
Breathe Your life into this dust.
Mold my heart to Your will
Shape this shapeless form until.
I live to sing Your praise
Like a lullaby, like Amazing Grace.
I live to sing Your praise
'Til my days are done And I see Your face.
Mysteries I may not know
Until I kneel before Your throne.
And lift my eyes to take You in
I long for this, but until then.
I honestly was doing fine until I just tried to think of something to say before I started the song. Then my eyes welled up, my heart started pounding. I am ok now, but I guess I should just sing and not push it with saying something. Praying hard for it to go smoothly. I used to doubt that I sang well, I really thought...well, the devil made me think...that I wasn't good enough to sing for God...I can harmonize with someone, but not do solos. I really hated the thought to do it. But God sent people into my life that tell me otherwise. My family really never said much about me singing growing up, I stood in the shadow of my mother and Todd and Johnny. They really do have the talent. But, I have matured in this area a bit...and I am not bragging at all. I hope it doesn't seem that way...whatever talent I have...God gave it to me and I shouldn't leave it unused!
Well....here is the plan for us!
I turned my notice in last week, so Friday is my last day. I have a dentist and doctor appointments next Monday and Tuesday...so Tuesday I am leaving Myrtle Beach for HOME. We just decided that Scott will stay at least until Friday...possibly until Tuesday of the following week. Financially it will be better if I go home...my Salary barely pays for the hotel. Soooo I am going home to get things situated and surprise him with some Christmas decos. Our Christmas will be very slim. We have always went overboard for family and each other, but this year only the kids in our life will get gifts...them and 2 very special friends that I love so much and can't imagine how I - WE could have made it through all the last 5 months without them. Scott has been a little down about our finances and that we weren't home, I hope me decorating the house will make him a little happier.
I had a little meltdown last week and he came in and lay beside me and we both just held each other tight and cried and talked. He makes me realize that things are ok...as long as we have each other...and Christ. Everything is faceable as long as we do it together!