Wednesday, October 31, 2007

Another dream!

I had this dream a few nights of those so real you feel it for days kind of dreams.

I dreamed we were in Myrtle Beach at our church. My mother was there, Leslie was there and we were out in the foyer and my mom was standing talking to Leslie and Leslie told her how excited she was that we were pregnant together. I don't think I new I was pregnant, but when I heard her say that to my mom I was like oh...yeah, then the pastor walked up and my mom said to him...thank you for praying for my baby to have a baby. He looked at us and Scott said yep, I am going to be a daddy soon. I looked down and rubbed my belly, and there wasn't a baby there that I could tell. I looked up at the pastor and he was smiling and I said..."They said I wouldn't have a child, that I was too old, too fat, too sick...but God has said different." He hugged me, never said a word just was smiling so big. Then I looked down and I had a preggo belly. Leslie was crying, my mom was too. Happy tears. We sat down in the sanctuary and then the pastor called me up to give my testimony and I went right up and waddled up the steps and told the church about all I had been through and how God had delivered me and now gave me my hearts desire - a baby. I was crying and the congregation was too. Then I started to sing Child of God. Then I woke up, looked baby. It was all so real.

I don't understand why God lets me dream dreams like this. To feel a child of mine in my arms, so real that I smell the baby smells, I feel him in my arms and this last dream I felt him in my belly. Then to wake up and not want the dream to end so I keep my eyes closed, my body still for as long as possible to not lose that feeling. Then to really wake up and realize my arms are empty, my stomach never contained life. It always takes me a few days to get over these dreams...this one is still making me ache.

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