Last weekend we spent time with some old friends...well, they ain't old but we have known each other forever. You know a friendship is real and tough, when you get together and you just pick right up where you left off. Our moves to Myrtle Beach kind of caused us to lose touch. We still saw each other at Christmas and such but it just wasn't the same.
Then over the last 2 years, through all my health drama...I developed an anti-social way of life and barely let anyone in. Even some family were not in that inner circle of who I thought I needed. Not because I didn't need them - I just needed (well, I thought I needed this) to keep everyone at arms length. Leslie, my Divas and my mother in law were about it ... well, other than Scott. It is hard to explain but I hated laying all my issues on other people, and so those few got it all - and handled it lovely I might add.
*I feel bad even typing that...looking back I know I hurt family and friends by not letting them help or even be there for me to just listen. I don't know if I could have done it differently. Even looking back at it, I just don't think I could have been my normal self. It was more self-preservation I think. It was like if I don't tell it all to everyone - maybe it won't feel so real and sad. Hard to explain :(
Anyways, since the first-ish part of the year I have been letting walls down and feeling more like myself. I am glad that some family didn't give up on me. We were still feeling kind of 'lonely'.
Before we moved to the beach, we had friends from work and friends from family. People we just did things with. Then we get to the beach and fell in love with the Huggins. We did so much together and some nights did nothing at all but eat sugar cookies and watch TV. We had friends from my work too and other church friends so we felt normal (normal for us).
So, now with me not working SIGH, my girly friendships are at an all time low. I missed Leslie and Burt, and all our friends in Myrtle Beach so much. We haven't found our church yet here, so those bonds are still not formed. Then...it happened. I don't even know how it all came about really...but our good friends from years ago and us spent some time together having a yard sale. Then, we planned a get together and went to their house to swim and enjoy each others company. And there we were, like there never was a gap in our friendship time line.
When we were having dinner that night, laughing and cutting up...it all hit me and I almost lost it. I missed this, missed hanging out and that the past two years have felt like I was standing still in some lonely little place. Physically, I couldn't do much and knew I would be a drag to anyone. But, the hope of getting better was stronger than ever. That hope has brought the old me back out.
Sometimes it is hard to make real good friends too. Scott and I are not really the most normal couple in all the world (no comments from the peanut gallery please). We don't go out dancing and drinking and parties. We never have. Dinner, movie and a game or two is our idea of a great evening. Crashing on the couch talking about celebs, reality TV...any ole thing is a great night too. I forgot how it all felt...it has been that long!!
So hanging out with TW and Tammie felt like 'home'. Their daughter Briana is 17 and so beautiful. Not just on the outside, she is a good girl all the way around. She preferred to hang out with us and her parents that night than to go to a friends party. She is just like that, Tammie and TW are so blessed.
And, just to clarify ... Tw is my dad's brothers son. So yeah, we are cousins but more than that - we are friends.
I wish I could have been more Hope-like when I was so down, I know that all the hard times would have been more tolerable. But, hindsight is 20/20.
The moral of this story children is this...try not to let the situation control you. It can alienate you from some people that love you and want to be there for you.
Not only have we started to feel normal enough to hang out with friends, our families have been fun to hang out with too. We had a bon-fire at my brothers last weekend and it was so much fun. We spent time with our Lail's today and I can't tell you what it meant to me to see Scott and Chris working on a project together. I tormented them by asking repeatedly if they were done yet, but seeing them together was so special.
Well, that is it for this post....several more rattling around in my brain. I am bionic by the way...EEEK!