- I am doing better every day with my spinal cord stimulator. The first week I was a little disappointed, but I didn't show it or let it really get to me. Then I went in for the rep to reprogram it and ahhhh it started working like it should. We did all the programming with me sitting up, and when I got home I went to lay down and I lit up like a Christmas tree! Until the leads get more permanent and settled they will change position. Like when I raise my arm, turn my head or my body...and when I lay down! (Sneezing is a little traumatic as well!) So I lay back and I froze. Scott was near by but indisposed if you know what I mean (potty time). I call out his name and my brain scrambled and I didn't know what to do! Then I rolled a little and it started to lessen and I finally pulled myself up. I totally now understand why I can't drive with it turned on!!! It is funny now, but at that time not at all. Fortunately, I have 8 programs to use and that was just 4 of them that wigged out on me. I haven't walked through a grocery store in almost 2 years. I used one of those electric chair things - reluctantly since I got that pride thing going on. This past Friday, I met up with an old classmate/friend and his wife and we walked the car show in Valdese. I felt on top of the world. I hurt, but not to the point that I had to stop...which used to be about 5 minutes into a 'walk' and I guess we walked around for 30-45 minutes!! Then the next day we went to see Scott's mom and dad and we all went to Sams. I looked at the cart and said nope...and I walked for an hour in Sams! I almost cried - so did Scott...because I can shop again :) You never think about things like that until you can't do them. YAY ME! I was very sore the next day, but it was worth it.
- As I mentioned up there, we met up with a classmate from junior high and high school. He was always so nice and funny. He was just always one of the good guys. His name is Scott too, but my Scott and him are like polar opposites when it comes to size...was really funny in my head when they shook hands. His wife Sherry and I met separate from him. I had a myspace account and I am not sure what I had up as my status, a verse from the Bible I think. But, she sent me a message and a friend request and we started talking a little. And somehow I found out that her soon to be husband was Scott my friend from school! Such a small world. It was so great to see them and to finally hug Sherry's neck. She had this bright smile that just could light you up. She has prayed me through a lot since we have 'met'. We laughed and walked and talked and it just felt like we were old friends. And I love his old Chevy nova...sweet ride. We even saw another classmate there and it felt like a reunion haha.
- Have I mentioned how much I love facebook and how many friends/family I have rediscovered on there!
- We visited a new church this past Sunday and really liked it. I lived in the community where it is all my life until I got married. But, my dad was a pastor so I went to church wherever my poppy was. I still love to hear him preach. When we walked in we felt right at home. Everyone was so nice and the pastor delivered a great message about Phillip and the eunuch. How the Holy Spirit will direct you to someones chariot (or mess, situation, valley) and we should be like Phillip and take the Holy Spirit's lead. He also pointed out that when He leads you to someone, that the Holy Spirit is already at work in their lives as well. I thought of Rebecca and how some things could have really made me not want to be in her 'chariot'. But, it has been such a blessing to me, to her and to others that I know that had I not answered when God said this is it...I would have missed out on my son, on the happiness he and Rebecca has brought to me. I know the Holy Spirit has been working in her life as well. She told me when she was in rehab she prayed when she hadn't in a long time.
- Speaking of Rebecca, we talked again last week and her brother did pretty good during his open heart surgery. He is 8! There was a scare just after surgery, he started bleeding into his chest cavity and they had to go back in and find the bleed. They did and this was Tuesday last week, and he was home Saturday. We talked for a long time, about her family and about us coming to see her soon. I asked her if she could schedule her next OB appointment at a time I could come and hear his heartbeat and maybe see him on the screen. I told her if it wasn't OK, I totally would understand. You can hear her voice change and she said she would love to do that. She has her next appointment on July 28th and will schedule her following appointment on the last Thursday of August or the first Thursday of September. Leslie might be able to go with me if we only have to be gone a couple work days. We talked about her sons and how much she loves spending time with them, but they can be overwhelming right now. She is still sober, she takes her classes through the rehab every week day, she has a job, she has to meet with her counselor regularly and on top of it all she is pregnant. She is going back to school for nursing as well. Whew - that just makes me tired. I told her we were going to stay a little longer there than what will probably be required. We want her to be able to get some closure sort of. I told her that I didn't mean she would never see him again, but I know being so close after his birth that she might need it. And once we leave it might be a while til she sees him again in person. She didn't have to but that was an option. I told her that when we do come home we will be overwhelmed with family and friends and having a few extra days with him, just Scott and I will be a beautiful time for us. She said again that when she meets him when he is older, he could call her aunt or friend or cousin. I told her that I had thought about that and we are telling Isaac about her, how much she loved/loves him how he wasn't abandoned or tossed away. When he is old enough to really understand and she gets to see him, I think it should be up to him and her what he calls her. She cried and said that us being so open with her and letting her keep in touch makes this easier. I cried hearing her pain, but also because I know her pain takes mine away. I stare at her son's picture she sent every day thinking Isaac could look like him. I can't wait for real pictures, for touches and kisses and whew...don't get me started.
- Yesterday, I got the first gift for Isaac. Jen my sister in law and my brother in law Chris had been to Myrtle Beach and they brought back 2 sweet sweet shirts for him. I just lost it. But, then she handed me a diaper bag filled with bottles, nipples, t-shirts and sleepers. It caught my breath. I can't tell you how many times I have picked the shirts up and just hugged them, something tangible, something he will wear. Tears could soak them, tears of so much love for him. I can just picture him in some little jeans wearing them. I can't explain how it felt...I am sure some of you moms understand. I have waited so long to be here, to be a mommy in my heart, to know that God is giving me my hearts desire. I don't deserve it. I know so many women - wonderful women who should be mommies and are empty. I was there for 18 years, it is a sad, lonely place. But one tiny little boy has erased all that pain, 18 years of tears and ache and heartbreak just dissolved away with the selflessness of one woman. WHEW!
- Today, mom and I went to have lunch with my aunt Louise, cousin Lori and her daughter Courtney. They are so special to me in so many ways. Lori cut moms hair while Louise and I caught up. They are some prayer warriors let me tell you! I had walked outside to see Sandy, a yellow lab that we gave them, and her puppies - SOO CUTE! I came back in and they were in a circle holding hands and crying out to Jesus on our behalf, on the behalf of other family members. You just could feel the spirit of God in the room. I pray silently, I have always felt my words fail me when I pray out loud...but these women pray from their hearts and it just gives me chills! I love them so much. We decided to not let months go by without being together so on the third Tuesday of every month - it is our day. We go there, they come here...it just has to happen every month! Ya'll can come with me, the more the merrier!
- I guess that is it...enough eh? Just think if I had wrote a long post about each of those! Well, here are some pictures for your enjoyment from today.
Mom, me and Aunt Louise (Mom's sister in law)
ain't they sweet!
Courtney took this...she was a little shaky :)
Cousin Lori and me
Cousin Lori and me
This is Courtney, the sweetest girl. We hit it off from the get go a few years ago and she is just so special to me. She got her braces off this year and just got her license - I am so scared!
This is Sandy. Ya'll might remember her from a long ago post. This dog is/was on puppy crack, she was a year old though and still was all puppy! HYPER and couldn't sit still for nothing. She wanted to play constantly! We got her when mom had her open heart surgery and mom came to stay with me. Well, Sandy in her big ole self nearly knocked her down. My cousin Lori took her for her son Anthony. Well, he got Elvis - a black lab and bred her and she has calmed a little since being a mommy but not much. They make pretty babies! She had 9 puppies! Anthony has sold them all and used the money to get his apartment the way he likes it (really it is an apartment above the garage at his mom and dads...but he says it is better than a bedroom in their house). He is a sweetheart and such a good boy! He graduated this year.
OK, the only picture of a black one because I was so in love with the tan one with blue eyes, and the chocolate one as well.