Wow, this year has flown by. Seems like it should still be March or so.
Scott and I are leaving to go home ... home...today around 3. We are staying tonight with my parents and doing lunch tomorrow with them. I am so worn o ut though...don't know how much fun I will be.
I realized why I posted that about Mark...holidays. They are always so hard when someone close to you has passed away. I think back to holidays with him, Christmas mainly. Though...he was a piglet at Thanksgiving.
I was going to do this 'What/who I am thankful for' post. But, I just can't today...weary really...physically, mentally, spiritually and emotionally. I have been praying and praying hard for God to let this cup pass....but so far..still sippin from it.
I want to be thankful for Scott getting a job and be thankful that we are home.
I want to be thankful that they got it right and the headaches, blood pressure, diabetes... all gone!
I want to be thankful that all my friends and family are all happy and healthy.
I want to be thankful for a baby in my arms, one that will call me mommy and Scott daddy.
But, Scott doesn't have a job and we are still moving from hotel to hotel to house to here to there. We aren't home in our house in our bed.
But, I have a bad headache today, my blood pressure is up again, my sugar is outta wack again.
But, my friends and family are not all happy and healthy...my dad is having a weak spell, my mom is having issues, Lena is about to have back surgery...so much going on.
But, I don't have a baby in my arms, and with every day that passes...one day closer to 38...the possibility feels like it is totally slipping from my hand.
BUT, I have a saviour that has delivered me from so many things.
BUT, I have friends and family...so many don't.
BUT, I do feel better than I have in a long time.
BUT, I have a plan for adoption and foster care.
BUT, Scott has a wonderful resume' and God will bless him with the right job...maybe the others weren't right.
Thank You God for what You have done, for what you will do and for all that You took away when I was 6 years old at Gilboa Baptist Church sitting on that back row with Tommy. I am glad I didn't have to earn it, You saved me because You loved me. Thank You for Your grace, Your forgiveness, Your strength when I am so weak and weary.