Friday, June 22, 2007


I sit here, so saddened by recent events and communication with my family. I won’t name any names, but each knows who said what to me. I only know for certainty what was said to me…so that will be all I will dare comment on.

The conflict in my family has reached an all time high. This during one of the most stressful times our family can go through…mom’s illness. When all of our energy should have been directed to her and Dad…instead, arguments ensued, names thrown out there, accusations made, things blown way out of proportion. Little did I know…I was thrown out there as well, though I had nothing to do with any of it. I did get angry, aggravated and frustrated with it all. I wasn’t only angry at the events, but the timing as well. I thought it very irresponsible, very self centered that this would be going on as my mom lays in a bed fighting for her life. During this time, everyone should have been concentrating on her health not insignificant things that could have waited at least a week or more to be discussed. So now that the family is split...when I plan get togethers, should I say this part of the family has to leave at 6 so the rest can come at 6:15? Do I just invite half, so the others will be hurt? Do I pick sides? Do I just give up and say do what you isn't my problem? How do I explain that to family that doesn't know what is going on? I am supposed to plan the music for the Chapman reunion and though they asked for one I just exclude the other? I am tired of being in the middle. I can't do it anymore. If my family has any love for me, care about how I feel they will drop all this and talk it out and forgive and let us get back to normal. Back to everyone being together, back to laughing and calling, spending time together, singing together...not talking about the other behind the others back, not pulling me from one to the next.

No matter what I think, I am charged as a Christian to forgive! I know that the quickest route to forgiveness is apologizing. I know there are some apologies that need to be made, but God says to forgive, not wait for an apology to forgive. There are people who say they are Christian in my family that may have forgotten that God forgave all their sins, every vile thing they had done…and he continues to forgive us every day for every sin! Does He reach a limit on His forgiveness? Does He say…hmm you really hurt my feelings and were acting childish so I will not forgive you today…I will forgive you but I won’t forget and when you come to church on Sunday I will only be with those on the right side of the Church so you sit on the left, or I will only bless the food for half of the family - not you and your children. OF COURSE NOT! Our sins are forgotten as soon as we ask for forgiveness; He forgives the smallest sin to the largest of them.

All that has happened is WORDS, words! No one was murdered, nothing was stolen, nothing physical…yet from a child we all chanted Sticks and Stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me. I am as guilty as the next to let words hurt. But, most of the time I let them go or I talk to that person and get it all out and then let it go… FORGIVENESS is power! Even if the person you are to forgive doesn’t apologize or doesn’t feel they need to….when I forgive unconditionally it frees me from that weight, it gives me the relief, it takes away that sin in my heart that hinders my prayers - and God forgives me as well. And yes, unforgiveness is a sin!

I know that forgiveness is hard sometimes. But, I know most of my family professes to know Christ and believe His word. So either you believe it all, or none. You live by His word or don’t. You can’t pick and chose what you will do and not do.

So again, I went and read the Bible on forgiveness and it is clear, clear as any other scripture in the Bible.

Mat 6:14-15

14For if ye forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you:
15But if ye forgive not men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.

Does this mean that if we are not forgiving, then the sins we may commit during our time of unforgiveness…those sins are NOT forgiven???? How scary is that to think God won’t forgive me if I am not forgiving!

Mark 7:6

6He answered and said unto them, Well hath Esaias prophesied of you hypocrites, as it is written, This people honoureth me with their lips, but their heart is far from me.

So faking forgiveness is not good either, God knows what is in our hearts.

1 John 2:9

9He that saith he is in the light, and hateth his brother, is in darkness even until now.

I think that says a lot without my commentary.

Luke 6:27-37

27But I say unto you which hear, Love your enemies, do good to them which hate you,
28Bless them that curse you, and pray for them which despitefully use you.
29And unto him that smiteth thee on the one cheek offer also the other; and him that taketh away thy cloak forbid not to take thy coat also.
30Give to every man that asketh of thee; and of him that taketh away thy goods ask them not again.
31And as ye would that men should do to you, do ye also to them likewise.
32For if ye love them which love you, what thank have ye? for sinners also love those that love them.
33And if ye do good to them which do good to you, what thank have ye? for sinners also do even the same.
34And if ye lend to them of whom ye hope to receive, what thank have ye? for sinners also lend to sinners, to receive as much again.
35But love ye your enemies, and do good, and lend, hoping for nothing again; and your reward shall be great, and ye shall be the children of the Highest: for he is kind unto the unthankful and to the evil.
36Be ye therefore merciful, as your Father also is merciful.
37Judge not, and ye shall not be judged: condemn not, and ye shall not be condemned: forgive, and ye shall be forgiven:

Want to experience God? FORGIVE. Want to feel His presence and power coursing through your body in a thrilling moment of supernatural encounter? Forgive.

This will be my last post about forgiveness, I am far from perfect, and I know that I have to ask for forgiveness every day. But in the same prayer I am forgiving those I feel have wronged me. They don’t have to know that I feel that way, all that matters is what is in my heart, and what God tells me to do in regards to anyone that might have done something to upset me. I do forgive, sometimes I have to forgive again…but I get that supernatural experience of God when I do!!

I hope my family reads this and knows that I am not taking sides, I am not saying that what one did wasn't wrong...I feel there is a lot of wrong to share. But to put me and mom in the middle of it all is wrong on it's own.

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