Tuesday, October 27, 2009

waiting for our Ram

My friend Kari sent me this and I have read and re-read it. She is such a good friend, love her!

She said she was breathless while she read it, so was I. Being reminded that God was working good for me, brought me some peace. I lost sight of anything good.

We took a little ride (over 8 hours) on the Blue Ridge Parkway from Asheville to VA, and good started seeping in. Patchwork quilt of colors. There were beautiful views and up there on top of Mt. Mitchell I felt closer physically and spiritually to my sweet Savior.

We came home and things hadn't changed here, raining inside and out. Hard to believe God was in this place. Hurt everywhere.

Then, the prayers and words of comfort began to bring healing and peace. If you had asked me this time last week if I would be feeling any kind of healing and I would have adamantly said NO!! But, Gods time not my own.

Have I found forgiveness for her and what she did? NO! But, God says I have to. I was told by someone who knew her that she did have a baby, just a week later.

Another friend told me that maybe God brought me into his life to pray for him like a mother would for her son. And maybe He knew I would everyday, everyday.

I want to make her pay, I want to make her hurt like we have. I would really like to punch her in the face. I would LOVE to snatch every hair out of her head. That is my flesh talking.

All I can think about is him. My Isaac, who she calls Camdon. His little life will be so full of grief if she continues in the path she has chosen. I can't make it any worse. No matter what I do, he is not going to magically be handed over to Scott and I. Vengeance is His.

I have stopped praying for boils, I have started praying for her to find a different path - one that leads her to Jesus. He is the only way she will get peace and healing. I pray she loves him and Jacob and Mayson with a mothers heart. I pray she never has a desire to do drugs again. I pray that she never finds the strength to carry on such an evil thing for 6 months like she did with us. I pray God lays it on her heart to tell us the why's and the I'm sorries.

This devotion touched me and Scott. It gave me more breath than it took. While I don't know what is coming up the other side of the mountain, I know my God will mend Scott and I. We are stronger in our relationship than ever - I never knew we could love each other more.

Know that we are healing and it is because you lifted us up in prayer and He heard them.

"So Abraham called that place The LORD Will Provide. And to this day it is said, 'On the mountain of the LORD it will be provided.'" Genesis 22:14 (NIV)

Have you ever been in a situation so desperate that it looked hopeless?Have you ever sat at the kitchen table wondering how you were going to pay the electric bill? Have you ever stood at a door that's been slammed in your face by an angry teenager and despaired at ever having a relationship with him again? Have you ever had your heart broken so deeply that you wondered if you would ever feel whole again?

Sadly, we live in a broken world where desperate situations happen every day. I know someone reading this devotion is wondering how she will make it through the day because her situation looks hopeless. If that is you, I encourage you to keep reading. I believe God has a message of hope for you today's message is found in the Bible, in the story of a man who was dealing with his own desperate situation.

His name was Abraham and he faced the greatest testing of his life. After longing for a son for many years, God finally gave Abraham a boy, whom he named Isaac. Abraham never imagined God would test his faith by asking him to sacrifice his son. But it happened t had to have been the darkest day of Abraham's life as he trudged up the mountain, with firewood strapped to his son's back.

Every step took Abraham closer to what he believed to be the sad ending of a hopeless situation – the death of his son. Yet in spite of his sorrow, Abraham trusted God. His heart wasn't soaring with joy. He wasn't dancing up the mountain. But he put one foot in front of the other. Walking through the darkness of the situation; obeying His God's commands.

Unbeknownst to Abraham, something else was walking up that mountain. Quietly. Out of sight. On the other side of the mountain. Something else was putting one foot in front of the other. Only Abraham couldn't see it. For every step Abraham took, a ram on the other side of the mountain took a step .

All Abraham saw that day was his solitary journey of pain. As he got closer to the top of the mountain, his dread must have increased. I wonder if he asked himself any questions. I would have. I would have wondered why hadn't God intervened? Why hadn't God stopped this testing? Couldn't God see that Abraham was a man of faith? Why test him in this way?

But there was no answer. There was no voice from heaven. And so Abraham kept obeying his God's command. He put Isaac on an altar and prepared to sacrifice his one and only son. And just at that very moment, at the very last second, when it looked like the end had come, God spoke, stopping the sacrifice. Abraham looked up and there caught in the thicket was a ram. Abraham took his son off the altar, replaced him with the ram, and offered the sacrifice to God.

Abraham named that place "Yahweh-Yireh" or "The Lord Will Provide." And the story was written down for generations of God-followers to read. It was written so that you and I today would read it as we face our own hopeless situations. It was captured in print so that you and I would know that God is already planning for our provision. We don't see it. We don't hear it. But we can trust that our God is at work. On your behalf, and on mine. I choose to trust God today. A ram is on the way.

Dear Lord, You know how desperate I am today. You know that my faith has wavered. Although I want to trust You, I'm having trouble doing so. I ask for Your intervention in my situation, and for an increase of my faith while I wait. In Jesus' Name, Amen.


  1. Oh I'm so glad you posted again. I found your blog thru "heart cries" blog. I just want you to know my thoughts are with you and your family. You are an amazing lady.

  2. This is absolutely perfect! This part of Abraham's story didn't even occur to me when I heard what happened, but it is so fitting. So, tonight, I will pray that God reveals your ram.

  3. I found you through Jill's blog, my heart is broken for you and with you. I can not understand where you are, but I am praying for you. I am so glad you updated, i have been cking in on you. Sending loving thoughts and prayers your way in Arkansas.

  4. Cling to that, cling to Him. He does have that ram waiting and a plan. Its so hard to wait and go through the pain on this side. Still praying for you.

  5. no idea what to write - very moved by this post but jsut wanted y'all to know we're all still here praying for you

  6. so happy you posted. i found your blog through heart cries, and have been praying for you and your husband ever since. i can't begin to imagine the pain, but please know you are in my thoughts and prayers every day. this story was perfect - thank you for sharing.

  7. THANK YOU FAITH, for that. I didn't think it would apply to me and then as I read it I felt like I was reading the story of what will happen in my journey as a foster mom. i have a little girl with me right now that I am over the moon for and the plan from the beginning was for her to go home. she was supposed to go home in sept. and she is still here. i feel like the "knife" of her going home is still looming over her and I am Abraham asking Kobe to stop this before we have to do it. it really really spoke to me. i check in on you often, i don't comment much. i am so sorry that we live in a world where things like this happen to people.

  8. I wrote "Kobe" in the above comment but meant God. I don't know why i did that, but my son's name is kobe so maybe that is why...

  9. I hope you get the answers you need. I can completely sympathize with that love you had for him. My adopted children's bio mom/dad was seven months pregnant with our son Ben when we found out she was pregnant. Since we did a CPS adoption of the other two children we couldn't have any contact with her and we had to go through the great grandparents to learn anything about ultrasounds, gender, etc. We had to redo all of our foster to adopt classes with no guarantee that we would even get him (she couldn't keep him due to abuse to the other children but you never know when kin might step up). The MOMENT I found out about him, I LOVED him so much. The waiting was agonizing. Our story had a happy ending and he was placed in our arms at 30 hrs old. CPS couldn't understand why I was crying though and why I even had any attachement to him. You imagine scenerios in your head of holding this baby. Of the memories your going to make. Imagining what they will smell and feel like to touch. It prob. does feel like a death of sorts. I am so sorry for your "loss" because it IS a big loss. I think what she did is just hateful and I can only begin to imagine how hard it is to know that she abuses drugs and what life he might have to indure. ((((HUGS)))) I am curious (I hope this doesn't offend) as to if you will press charges or if you even can. -kriss (krissriley@sbcglobal.net)

  10. Keep pushing through...I know it must be horrendously difficult.

  11. Continuing to pray for you and your husband. So glad you are finding strength to carry on in the Word.

    The life of Abraham is awesome! What a beautiful foreshadowing of Christ - the Father offers the Son willingly, the Son carries the wood on His back . . . The place perfectly named God Will Provide - and God did provide a perfect sacrifice, our blessed Savior, Jesus Christ.

    Much long-distance love to you, Hope. May you continue to find strength and peace in Him.

  12. Beautiful, beautiful words. Thank you for sharing them along with the difficult emotions you are facing right now. I can't imagine, but I'm keeping you in my prayers.

  13. Francie Schmuhl2:43 PM

    Hope & Scott,
    I'm continuing to pray for you to have peace in your hearts and home. I can't imagine how difficult this is for you, but I can pray for you and hope that it helps. Know that I think of you daily and hope that your Ram is revealed to you soon. With much love, Francie

  14. Anonymous9:48 AM

    i'm sad for your loss, but many birth moms change their minds and decide to parent. i hope you will be sad for you, but respect her decision as not being malicious against you, but deciding to parent, and maybe deciding last minute which is terrible for you, but what happens and is a risk when you choose to adopt. She needs to be prayed for to become the best parent for this little one, which CAN happen. I am sorry though for your loss and not trying to down play your loss, but hope you respect this birthmom for who she is, and not necessarily what she "took" from you.

  15. Thank you for sharing so openly and honestly from your heart!
    I wanted to pop in and leave a (hug) and was so glad to read this post!
    Prayers for healing!!

  16. Hope, this is a wonderful post. Your prayer is so beautiful. I pray it for myself and my husband everyday! May God bless you is ways that you never thought possible. MAy he send you your ram.

  17. Thinking of you guys today.


  18. praying!! thank you for blogging, I have thought of yo often and prayed:)