She has a broken heart.
Well, today in a cold dim room...I walked in to see my sweet little mom laying on this table with a movie playing above her head. A nurse was bearing down holding pressure on her groin. That was my first clue. Either this went really well or really bad. See, after a cath...if there is NOTHING wrong, they pull the sheath and hold pressure. If after the cath there is something a stent or angioplasty will help...they leave the catheter in and talk to the family then do the stent or angioplasty the same day. If after a cath there are major blockages that stents or angioplasty won't fix...they pull the catheter and hold pressure. So I knew..., but I knew :( I knew for months that something wasn't right. She wouldn't go to the doctors. She said it was just she was tired, or the atrial fib. But my mom never stops, she has stopped a lot the last few months.
I look down at her, and she started to talk and I stopped her. I said mom, I want the doctor to tell me. Then ... I made the mistake of looking up at the 'movie' playing. It was of the dye running through her heart. You could see major areas where blood was barely if at all going through the artery.
About that time, a little man...looked like Screech from .... dang it what was the tv show??? Anyways, he wasn't Dr. Hearon who we adore...but he was very nice and he said..."Well, the good news is her heart is strong, there is no sign of damage from a heart attack. The bad news is she has at the LEAST 4 major blockages that need to be fixed - OPEN HEART SURGERY!" I held my tears back and listened patiently. I had been in the room when Dr. Hearon had explained open heart and the necessity of it many times. This doctor was very brief and turned around and said the surgeon would come see us shortly. Scott, Daddy and I kissed mom and walked out and I kinda lost it in the hall. As Little John had put it so many years ago.."Maw Maw you look just like Wonder Woman!" She has been my wonder woman. When life is crazy she is like an old light house in the middle of stormy seas, she is my constant. I couldn't help but take a glimpse into the future without you...and I didn't like it. Sure...I was 50 pounds lighter *SMILES*, but no one prays for me like her. No one else is my mom. I know the natural thing is for parents to go before the children, but I am not ready for this at all.
She promised to spoil my children, why God haven't you let me have a child to learn from my mom, to hear her sing, to hear her pray and ohh God to feel her love.
I really think she will be fine and I am being overly dramatic and worried. She is one of those women that seem invincible.
I know what open heart is like. I have removed the staples from peoples chests where the doctor had carefully cut through the tissue to the breast bone - then using a saw...cuts through the bones of the chest. I have removed the stitches from their legs where the same surgeon removed veins from the leg to sew into the heart. Sometimes the legs are more troublesome than the chest.
She will do fine, she will come home and she will spoil my child.
I love her.