Baby showers...sigh, super hard to attend one. I love my niece so much and that is the only reason I made an effort to go. Was so hard to sit there watching all the gifts being opened, all the ooooing and ahhing. Followed by the onset of every 'mother' there talking about their pregnancies, their showers....I felt so out of place. I couldn't chime in, I couldn't picture myself sitting in the center chair....I couldn't breathe at one point.
The shower happened to be held at a church, the sanctuary easily accessible. Just after the cake was cut I slipped out and made my way through the dark sanctuary to a bench to lick my wounds in private. I couldn't go back to the shower, I heard several asking where I was...I heard whispers and could feel the sympathy ooze my way. Finally almost everyone left. A well-meaning sister in law made her way to the sanctuary to 'console' me. Teresa doesn't know what I was feeling, she tried to make me feel better I guess...but those comments I had just posted about...the "God has a plan", "maybe he will do something else for you", "maybe a child will land on your doorstep". I couldn't be angry about her.
The baby is due sooner than we thought, she has a follow up US this week to firm up the date.
And if that wasn't hard enough, I am planning the shower for my other pregnant niece. I volunteered...I KNOW what was I thinking? I was thinking how much I love Brad and Kita, I was thinking how much he has done for me during this past year, I was thinking how he cried for me one day when we were talking about his baby to be...and he was crying for me, he wished I could have a baby too. He is that special! He is more than my nephew, he has always been one I could depend on for anything, he does it because he loves me as much as I love him. That is why I would do this most difficult thing...love conquers all, well at least most.