Givin' it up...to Him!

Monday...Scott comes in (after multiple calls through the day), he almost seemed to be bouncing when he walked. He says that he has never felt like he is right now, and couldn't imagine working anywhere else. We talked about some of the other jobs that he didn't get and how they would not have been anything like he has now. We talked about how sad and angry we were when a door was closed. We thanked God that He gave Scott the job that would be the best all the way around. He knew that this job was coming, we would have settled for anything to get him closer to home. But, HE knew....He knew what we needed - and he gave it to us on his time, not ours.

Tuesday...We both are lighter, we both are talking and laughing and he said something to me that was so true. He said he forgot 'this us'. He forgot that we are corny and giggled at the silliest things. He forgot that we hugged just to hug and copped a feel sometimes. He forgot that we joked and laughed. We had been in such a place that we hugged just to console each other, we talked about what was wrong - not what was right. Few things made us laugh and giggle, our nightly chats that use to end in a great snuggle and laughs...for a long time I was asleep by the time he got in bed and there was little talk. I forgot about this us too, I like this us...love this us. Last night we fell asleep wrapped up in each other instead of only our feet touching.

Wednesday....He just called, his voice sounds so different. He is happy. He is going to his brothers to work on his computer. His family lives only a few minutes from his job. He works with 3 men and 1 woman. He says they are all super nice and the guys like to play games online and some of the ones that he plays. He has only made 'friends' at one other job and that was in Myrtle Beach. No where else has he felt like he had real friends where he could invite over or go out with. I just hope they have nice wives :).

So that is where we are with his job. We are beyond happy with all aspects of it. It is funny how just one thing...one big thing, but one thing can flip it and we went from despair and sadness and anger to happiness. It happened in one breath.

May 8th I see the neuro doc, praying he will fix me so I can get back to normal. I would love to go back to work...out of this house.

I read a blog yesterday. I respect her opinions and honestly felt some of what she was feeling during the lowest of times. She doesn't understand why God lets things happen, why He lets His children hurt. She doesn't believe in Him at all. She experienced one of the worse losses a women can experience. 36 weeks she lost her child. I can't imagine her pain, and I understand her doubt. I agree that when people hear you have went through something and say "God has a plan"...it angers her and me.

It is hard when a woman says "Maybe God doesn't want you to have children", it makes me angry! Why chose a 15 year old to have a baby, why does He chose her over me!? It confuses me when I read that If I delight in Him, He will give me my hearts desires. I don't understand.

But, I do know that He loves me and that He is on time all the time. Even when I push and shove Him away, He pulls and holds me in His arms. Once I gave Him my heart, I am His and He won't let go. Even when I don't understand His ways, I am so confused that I doubt my heart...even then He shows me love and compassion.

Others had posted to her that He is real and that He loves her. Her heart is closed to Him right now, am sure so many are praying for her. I understand how she feels, I have asked all the same questions.

His grace is sufficient. He is there always, we have the choice to take it to Him or do it ourselves. Looking back on my life my toughest time was when I thought I could do it alone.

I am giving it all to Him, and yes, I have done it many times before to only jerk it back when I think it isn't happening how I want it to.

Dear God, I am giving you my burdens. You have the power to make all my prayers come true, and also the power to give me peace if my prayers are not going to be answered how I want. God you know that my heart is consumed with having a child. A child that I would give back to You, a child that would know Your love and grace and power. Lord, You know that my back can't handle a pregnancy as it is, couldn't handle the day to day care of a baby. I am praying for healing in my back, give this new doctor the discernment to make me better and to prepare my body for a child. Fixing my back will be the one thing that will help fix the rest of my body. I will be able to exercise and lose weight and be a better representative of You. God Scott will be such a great father, he loves You so much and he will take the time to teach him or her about You. Be with my friends Lord, keep them safe and bless them with their heart's desires as well. There are few going through IUI's and at least one just went through an IVF. Dear Lord, You gave these doctors the knowledge to do these procedures and help fertility challenged women have a child. Bless them and make their efforts fruitful. Be with my family, bless them with good health and lots of happiness. Thank you Lord for all you have done in my life, lead us to the right church and let us find a great church family. Bless Leslie and Burt, Colin and Jack Henry. Leslie's grandmother is sick with cancer and the entire family needs Your touch to grant them peace and clear minds so they can agree on her treatment. I ask all of this in Your precious name, Amen.

What a friend we have in Jesus,

All our sins and griefs to bear!

What a privilege to carry

Everything to God in prayer!

Oh, what peace we often forfeit,

Oh, what needless pain we bear,

All because we do not carry

Everything to God in prayer!

Have we trials and temptations?

Is there trouble anywhere?

We should never be discouraged—

Take it to the Lord in prayer.

Can we find a friend so faithful,

Who will all our sorrows share?

Jesus knows our every weakness;

Take it to the Lord in prayer.

Are we weak and heavy-laden,

Cumbered with a load of care?

Precious Savior, still our refuge—

Take it to the Lord in prayer.

Do thy friends despise, forsake thee?

Take it to the Lord in prayer!

In His arms He’ll take and shield thee,

Thou wilt find a solace there.