Steps

Week went by so fast. I made a grocery list, went to 4 different grocery stores and bought over 300 bux in groceries...never done that. I had to change a lot of things, tossed a lot. My diet has to change for my diabetes sake.

Ohh did I forget to mention...am on Insulin now. 3 huge needles a day. I am getting used to them but still, Insulin...how did I get there? How did get from taking metformin 5 or so years ago to treat my PCOS, to upping the dose because my sugars started increasing....to taking Insulin 3 times a day. How did that happen!?!

So, let's just tally this up...

PCOS (google it if you wanna know more)
hypertension...on 3 medications for that yay
hyperlipidemia...yay to Lipitor!
diabetes...nuff said
back pain...taking Lyric.a, pain medication and cele.brex
hypothyroidism...woot on Syn.throid

all that together equals....

no doctor in his right mind will ever try to get me pregnant

which equals....well, that is obvious and there is no point in stating the obvious.

I have been thinking about this all week. You know how you can close your eyes and picture what you will be doing next year for Easter. You picture your child picking up eggs or you on a vacation somewhere nice. I close my eyes and I can't see past tomorrow. I can't see past this back pain, the bottle of insulin in the frig, the next finger stick, the next hand full of pills for this or that. Sure, I have plans...such as a wedding for a friend in September. I am not focused on how much fun it will be to spend time with friends, how beautiful it will all be...I am wondering if I will be able to walk without pain, stand without leaning on someone, if Scott doesn't go who will drive me - will I be able to drive?

But, maybe that is a good thing? I should be looking at the next step instead of ten steps away...since those steps are dependant on the next step taken. (if you are confused....I am right there with ya)

I guess I am in the process of taking the next step. Fixing my sugars - via healthier eating and medications. I can't exercise which is so important in diabetes but getting rid of the pain will lower the sugars and hopefully get me to where I can exercise. Losing weight and moving will help fix all of it.

I am being more strict on my intake, I have to...my dreams hinge on it, my health...last chance, 2009 is coming like a freight train and if I don't do it now...it will be too late.

I am doing this 10 pounds at a time. Every 10 pounds is a step.

I am waiting for neurodoc appointment, to take away my pain.

On a sweet note, babies are coming....Cara is already having some contractions. A fellow blogger got her long awaited BFP....CONGRATS to her, I am happy when just any ole person gets pregnant (well, most of the time). But...when it is someone who knows the road, felt the pain...gets pregnant it gives hope to all of us that are still hoping.

I had a great dinner at my mom and dads today. It felt like home, they are back downstairs. Several from my family was there and we all ate good and I got to stretch out on moms bed and just enjoyed being home.

We left and rode down to Gilboa church, beautiful as usual. Found an odd bush and took a pic, so pretty. THEN...we get home and hear a bird...crazy loud scary bird! Finally we saw it in the tree next door and it was a peacock! I couldn't believe something so big could fly but it sure took off and took my breath with it.

All that beauty, God blessed me with all that beauty today.