I heard a story today...one I have probably heard before. But my heart and soul was accepting to hear it this time.
A father and a daughter was walking along on a beautiful day, side by side. Suddenly the little girl falls and scrapes her knee. The father scooped her up and kissed her and took her home. He put ointment on the scrapes and comfort her to make things better. The little girl hugged her daddy and thanked him.
I was walking along...alone I thought. I fell and my uterus got all scraped up. I thought I was all alone so I didn't let anyone pick me up and make me all better. I cried out to my God - why did you let this happen to me, why would you allow bad things to happen to good people? I didn't wait for an answer, I let Him take care of me in almost every other road in life...but infertility was a road I thought I was allowed to walk down alone.
For almost 18 years I felt I was alone there, asking him over and over WHY? I didn't sit still long enough to let him answer.
The answer has came over the last few weeks.
My child, it isn't that I allow things to happen to you. Just like the little girl with her daddy, he didn't allow her to scrape her knees. He never promised her bad things wouldn't happen, he just promised his unconditional love; that he would be there to scoop her up and heal her wounds. That is My promise to you, to pick you up and hold you while you cry and heal you according to My plan.
I have finally let Him pick me up and answer my questions why. I believe we have a child out there, maybe not even conceived yet. He has shown me how much love we can give to our family's babies, shown us that our doubts of being able to handle some things were unfounded. I allowed him to open my heart to other things as well, but the biggest of these has been adoption.
When I am reading about success stories, or stories in progress...I feel Him.
When I am looking through the agencies paperwork...I feel Him.
When I make lists of things we have to do to prepare...I feel Him.
I don't know why it took so long for me to realize the bad things aren't His fault, even when we are right beside Him we can fall. His promise comes in the outstretched arms that wrap around us and hold us tight.
When thou passest through the waters, I will be with thee; and through the rivers, they shall not overflow thee: when thou walkest through the fire, thou shalt not be burned; neither shall the flame kindle upon thee. Isaiah 43:2