Thursday, July 17, 2008

I have LOTs to post...

Guess that is a pitfall of not keeping up with posting.

  • I have a family trip pic/details to post
  • I have me stuff to post
  • I have Italy stuff to post
  • I have a few random pictures to post
  • I have a rant to post
  • I have something to offer my blogger buddies...

WHERE OH WHERE do I start???

I guess let's get the rant over and done with...strange how sometimes just getting it out will make me feel better and it the healing can begin.

I don't know what family if any reads my blog...well, I know some of my family does but not sure if any of Scott's read it. So I will not put names out there - though at this point I wish they really knew how much their words - or lack of HURT!

Let me start with a little back story...

While living in Myrtle Beach we invited Scott's brother to live with us. While he was there a family member became pregnant, not married, young...blah blah. I got the news by accidentally reading her myspace page. Then got the official news in an offline message from her on Yahoo! It stung. This was someone who knew our pain, she and I were very close and yet I got as much consideration as random friends on myspace and an all for one message on Yahoo. I was upset, angry at the situation...wasn't given the opportunity to feel the happiness for her at that time...I was just hurt that she chose to not personally tell me and given my broken reproductive situation...to at least tell me in a more gentle way.

Scott's brother was there for it. He said how rude. He agreed she should have given us a little more consideration...blah blah blah again.

Honestly I wasn't that upset that she was pregnant - it just hurt that it was like we didn't matter as much as any ole myspace/yahoo friend.

Well, de ja vue! Scott's brother (so much for not being specific huh?) sends me and every Tom, Dick and Harry on his phone this text message

WE'RE PREGNANT!

That's it. Two words. Two tiny words that cut like the sharpest of knives.

Again, I wasn't afforded the opportunity to be happy for them...first reaction is hurt and anger at the way they chose to tell me...and worse, the didn't even tell Scott. This is a couple who from the time I have met his wife she has adamantly proclaimed she doesn't want another child, she will not get pregnant, he might as well get fixed because it isn't happening. She told me at Caleb's birthday that John our father in law wants her to have a child; and she told him he better find another woman for Chris because she isn't birthing no more babies. Just 2 weekends ago when I had Italy she again stated she is glad she is never having a baby again because they are so much work. She was already pregnant! This was just after a major drunken birthday party!

I kinda knew it was coming...on her myspace she kept posting she is giving her hubby a surprise. I kept pushing it back thinking about all her comments. I made myself believe she was getting him a gift or game or something. His birthday is here, I just wanted to believe it was a birthday gift. Then today....her profile name was changed to 'We are having a baby!'. I just feel I wasn't even worth being told in person...heck an email or phone call would have been better than getting a random text or seeing it on her Myspace!!!

Take a breath and count to ten before reading the next sentence.

My mother in law insinuated that we should be over it by now, that these announcements should not hurt as much. I am so glad she didn't say that to me, Scott is more delicate and just didn't know how to respond.

She did say to me that Chris didn't know how to tell us and dreaded it. I GET THAT! Most family and friends that know our situation feel the same way but MOST would never be so insensitive to tell us in a two word text, let us find out on myspace or worse...find out from someone else. It is like we aren't worth the bother. And this is a person we both have loved through it all, took him into our home when his life was super screwed up.

He has always been all about himself - he even admits that. But our love for him was so strong there was nothing that could break it. That is why this hurts so much, for the last couple of years that love has seemed so one sided.

And if all of it isn't bad enough...when I cry I get a flippin headache and so it is HUUGE!

ok I can scratch rant off of my list...am I being to sensitive to this????

I did read this article...



"I'm Pregnant": How to Break the News to Infertile Friends
By: Sandra Glahn , ThM (Bio)


Tears burned in Kathy’s eyes. It was painful enough to cuddle with her nieces and nephews when she and Kevin longed for a baby. Then, as the family circled the holiday dinner table, her sister exclaimed, "Kathy, I haven’t had a chance to tell you—I’m pregnant again!" All of the relatives stared at their plates. Kathy said later, "I was the only one who didn’t know. I’m sure she was excited about her good news, but my sister did an awful job of telling me she was expecting."

To the infertile couple, a pregnancy announcement can feel like losing a game or missing a promotion—despite their good wishes, depression and disappointment linger. A sensitive friend may wonder, "How should I tell my infertile friend that I’m pregnant?"

1. Break the news yourself.
Betsy said, "Kate hurt me by concealing her pregnancy." She explained that she didn’t want to upset me, so she waited until word got around. Her news was easier for me to handle than the fact that I heard it from someone else. When the woman who told me said, ‘Didn’t you know? I thought everybody knew,’ I felt left out and humiliated. Yet mostly I felt insulted—did Kate think I would commit suicide over it?"

2. Tell them in private as soon as possible.
Including an infertile friend among the "first to know" makes her feel important as the member of an elite group. It also gives her time to adjust to the idea before she must smile though the public announcement. Louise said, "When I hear a baby announcement in a crowd, I feel the social pressure to be as gracious as Queen Elizabeth while everyone searches my face to assess what feelings I’m hiding behind the facade. I appreciate being forewarned."

Sharon told her friend, "I know this will be hard for you to hear, but I wanted to tell you before we announce that I’m pregnant. I’ll be telling everyone late next Wednesday, so if you want to slip out early, I’ll understand."

3. Have the attitude that pregnancy is special.
Sometimes by trying to keep from "rubbing it in," happy couples minimize their joy and communicate begrudgingly, "Don’t be jealous of us because this pregnancy is an inconvenience." Yet the idea of an "unwanted pregnancy" seems especially unfair to those with deep yearnings for child.

Lori confided, "Our friends announced they were expecting at a time when I was especially discouraged about our infertility. They emphasized that it was a ‘mistake,’ making it sound like they were taking their child for granted. That attitude upset me."

4. Expect the news to hurt.
Dee said, "I deliver the opposite of what people expect. If they expect me to take it hard, I appreciate their sensitivity so much that I can be happy for them. When they expect me to jump up and down, I’m not as positive because I feel like they’re expecting too much."

Two of Joy’s friends announced their pregnancies within 24 hours of each other. When Gina was the third, she hugged Joy and cried, "I wanted so much for you to be first." Her sensitivity made it easier for Joy to be happy for her.

5. Consider making the announcement in a letter.
Sometimes the most thoughtful way to announce your news is by sparing your friend the face-to-face confrontation. Dropping her a note lets her recover from the painful feelings before she must say anything.

Ruth’s best friend had been trying to conceive for five years. When Ruth discovered she was pregnant with her third child, she wrote, "We are expecting again. I wish I were there to hug you—I don’t know if that would even do any good. I know you’ll be happy for us, but I know it’s painful, too, and that’s okay. Please continue to be honest with me—I want us to be able to keep sharing like we always have. We know our friendship is strong enough to handle it."

When Susan finally conceived after sharing the mutual bond of infertility with a co-worker, she knew her friend would feel isolated. Finally she sent a note that said, "I’ve written this to you three times. I keep tearing it up because it’s too hard to say. The fact is, infertility is just plain hard. I want you to know I had a positive pregnancy test this week. Call me when you feel like it. Believe me, I’ll understand." Her friend ran for the phone.

1 comment:

  1. I am sorry. Although my situation is different, I can see how it hurts. Sometimes family can be the hardest to deal with.

    ReplyDelete