Sunday, June 08, 2008

Child Of God

Child of God

I was hesitant about posting the video of me singing this song. Vain reasons, my weight has kept me from singing or doing anything in front of a crowd a lot. I am making a change in my eating habits and hopefully soon I can start walking as an exercise at the least. That isn't where I want to go with this post so I will change directions.

This song is special for so many reasons. The very first time I sung it was one of the most devastating days of my life.  It is my daddy's favorite song that I have ever performed and I can't get by without singing it for him when I visit his church. 

Before I walked up to the stage, I was fine. I stood there with my back to the congregation while the pastor prayed. Then Doug, the music leader, introduced me and I turned around.

The lights seemed so bright.
The music seemed so loud.
The congregation was bouncing with my heartbeat.
My head went from zero pain to the worse pain I have ever an instant.

I heard myself singing, this was a 5 minute song and I chose to not bring the lyrics with me...I figured I knew all the words. (I only practiced it 109890348 times!) I am singing, and at the same time in my head I am praying for God to let me finish and not pass out.

How can I explain this...think about a sentence. Ok try to say something else while thinking about that sentence. I was talking in my head and singing that song.

At a small break in the music I said to myself "Turn around and tell Doug you have to stop".

I looked out and a fellow choir member, Mike had tears in his eyes and raised his hand. Then I prayed as I started singing again..."Lord, if I am blessing one person in the congregation, please let me make it through it."

I don't remember singing hardly at all.
I remember what I was thinking and praying, but not the actual performance.
I don't know how I made it to the pew,
I remember the pastor saying "You're daddy said you can sing...and he was right."
I remember telling Scott I was going to the bathroom.
I remember throwing up repeatedly and hearing some young girls coming in, I tried to stop so I didn't scare them.
I was sweating and so weak. Roxanne, a friend at the church came to check on me.
I don't know what I told her other than Scott has to take me home.
The next thing I remember is vomiting in the yard as Scott helped me into the house. I changed clothes and sat on the couch.
I remember them putting me in a wheelchair after Scott got me to the ER.
I remember sitting for an hour in the waiting area dry heaving and miserable.
I remember thinking - dang I work here can't they treat me special?

That's it until about 3 am, I wake up and Doug is there along with Scott. Doug left shortly after and Scott sat down beside me and I asked him what was wrong, why was I here.

Gently he told me, I had a stroke.
I was 37, 37 year olds do NOT have strokes!

I don't' remember Burt and Leslie coming to the house to check on me. They tell me they tried to talk to me and I wouldn't respond and they made Scott take me to the ER. I don't remember getting a CT of my brain, an IV, nothing. The stroke was a small one thank God, it took a few months to get a little normal (normal for me :) ).

Scott brought home the tape of the service. Get this... I didn't miss a word, a note. I didn't believe it at first, but I heard it. I surely can't take the credit for that - it was ALL God!

I didn't sing again for a while, but just before Christmas I told Doug I was ready. He was hesitant - he felt guilty because he encouraged me to sing the first song. When I got done, the pastor said ok? We all laughed because I was more than OK, I won.

I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me!

I wasn't letting satan think he silenced me.

I was given a verse that has inspired me more than I can express. Isaiah 26:3
Thou wilt keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on thee: because he trusteth in thee. Pastor Young gave that to me and it stuck.

I didn't think much else about that song or all that happened. Then I went to church with mom and dad. Dad played that song at church - the copy of the one where I flaked. So they wanted to hear it, not the tape it, that song!!! The next Sunday I sang it.  (Daddy had a way to get me to do just about anything!)

This is my song. During that stroke I was singing to myself, CHILD OF GOD - DO NOT BE AFRAID - TRUST AND OBEY!

I sung this song just before I had my first surgery - I lost sight of that song for a while. I failed that test, but my God gives do-overs. I fell on my face and prayed, crying out for him to forgive me and how sorry I was.  This child of God felt Him wrap me up and tell me I am not alone and I felt His forgiveness, His grace, His Love and that peace that passes all understanding. 

Every time I sing it, it is very emotional. Scott cries every time as well. I look at my dad and he never opens his eyes, he is absorbing every word.  He raises that worn, wrinkled hand.  I love to hear others say Amen and yes, Lord...but those are nothing like hearing my sweet poppy say praises to our Father through his tears. 

This is my song. It might belong to the Hoppers really, but it is my song.

Please pray for Scott and I, we still haven't found 'our' church. We miss our church in Myrtle Beach so much and coming from that church - others have a lot to live up to! We have visited a few churches but we haven't felt that 'this is it' feeling like we had the first time we walked in to Grand Strand Baptist.

I know I have posted the lyrics several times, but here they are again.

Child of God, do not be afraid.
Child of God, TRUST and obey.
He will walk with you in the way
Child of God do not be afraid.

Lost and wandering in a world of sin,
Why would God EVER take ME in?
A cry rang out...from Calvary's blood stained Hill,

Time will pass and eye will start to fail.
Tired and weary life becomes so frail.
But, I'll not make this final walk alone,
The Lord will lead me to my heavenly home.

Child of God, do not be afraid.
Child of God, TRUST and obey.
He will walk with you in the way
Child of God do not be afraid.

Hold to God's unchanging hand.
Hold to God's unchanging hand.
Keep your hopes in things eternal,
Hold to God's unchanging hand.


I need to sing this to myself every day! Don't listen to the way I sing it, listen to the words. and here is the video - and remember video adds on about 100 pounds :p

*this was recorded long after we moved home, not the one where I had the stroke - that one was at Grand Strand, very large church with quite a bit more people!*

also remember I was sick that day :) oh and the first few words there was a buzz if you wonder why I grimace :)

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