These last two weeks, deeply thinking about it, praying about it - talking about it has brought this peace. It hasn't been like an ah-ha moment...it came gradually, warming us from the inside out. I can't explain it fully, words just aren't enough. But it just feels right.
I never wanted to adopt and have that child think they were plan B. I think we have been working on plan B for all of these years and adoption has been our real plan A from the beginning.
I just don't think we are meant to 'birth' a baby. Right now every person who thought/said "don't say that" or "don't lose faith" or "that's not true!" take it back. Really, take it back. Take back what you think is the right or godly response and hear my heart. I quoted this from Rebeka. Down the road, God may change that but right now He has really laid it on our hearts to adopt, to share all we have to share with a child.
What does all of this mean really??? Fostering to adopt is a possibility. We are looking at different local agencies for adoption. I have a dear friend who is possibly going to put us in touch with a woman who is pregnant who is considering adoption. It is amazing how possibilities are opening up...they were there all the time, our eyes and hearts just weren't ready for them.
God's time Hope...He really does have a plan.
Please pray for us as we start this walk. I am praying our families are as open to all of this as we have became. I know our families love us and will love our child, but there are always those seeds of doubt...sigh. I am making an all about us kind of scrapbook to send to Jami so she can share 'us' with this woman. I know most agencies need them as well. It is so hard to condense 39 years of life, almost 19 years of marriage, large families and friends...God...all of that into a few pages. Please pray for God to give me the words to say...the ability to let others see Him in us and that they fully see our heart.
I guess this is the biggest reason for the quiteness *sorta* lately. I didn't want to really share what we were thinking until our hearts were fully into it and we knew we were ready.
I also wanted to talk to Keta. She is married to Brad, she is black. Scott and I have always been open to adopting outside of our race or bi racial. I wanted to ask her how she would feel if God sent us a baby that shared her race. She smiled and said she would be more than ok with it. She is so special to me. When they got married, Scott and I actually said we thought that maybe God sent her to us (besides giving Brad the best wife ever) to help us share her history and educate us on things we won't know. She has a precious family and I am sure they will welcome our child with open arms as well.
Things are still new and at the beginning for us. Scott is anticipating a promotion at work and we should know soon if that is really going to happen. If it does we plan on moving closer to where he works as this new position will be intense and possible longer hours some days. But, he loves his job...he loves offering advice on purchases and having some aninomity in some areas. He is very hands on, and this promotion will possibly take away from that and give him more administration type duties. But, his boss said he can reconstruct this position and delegate some of the paperwork aspects. So until this is all decided we are doing all we can before taking the bigger steps. Even if something happens and they decide to do away with this position (which was the plan before Scott got there - but he has impressed them and they are reconsidering) by the end of July the wheels will be turning.
Several people have opened our eyes to adoption - mostly here in blog land. Rebekah is definitely one of them. Go to her blog...you can't help but smile as soon as you see her header! Just go...you will see what I mean. One of the others is Glenna, her faith for and obedience to God humbles me. She amazes me with her complete trust in Him. She and her husband just adopted. At the last minute it almost all fell through. Most - including myslef - would have been crushed to the point of anger and rage at God...not Glenna. Even in the uncertainty God shown through her like a beacon to me. She gave Him the glory for all of it, she cried out to Him and He heard her earnest prayer...and He answered with a beautiful baby boy. I have never spoken to her and probably never will, but my heart was inspired by her, broken for her when I thought all was lost. Then my heart sang and my eyes wept when I read that our prayers were answered. It was like I was there, like she had been in my life forever and I really felt the anticipation, the potential heart brokenness and the joy of everything turning out wonderfully.
Thank you all for your prayers and for the prayers you will pray for us. We really feel them.
Here is the first page of our scrapbook, I am working on the rest this week. I thought it would make me so emotional to do it...and it has to a point but the biggest emotion I am feeling is anticipation for His miracle to be worked in us. I just feel like all of this is going to happen soon.
Soo....I think that is it, thanks again for all of the comments and prayers - I am not at home so I can't really read feeds, but will try to respond to some posts tomorrow.