Thursday, May 22, 2008

Romans 12:12

Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer.

I read this verse today. It took me a little by surprise. I had read it before, but today I read it, read it again...and it almost felt like my heart was going to explode. is a double edged sword sometimes. We hope with expectation that what we seek...we will find. Hope isn't just wanting something and hoping it comes; it is also trusting Him - trusting that He hears our prayers and He is faithful to answer them. He will answer them, maybe not how we want...but how HE knows is best.

I should always be happy, joyful - rejoicing in Hope! Sometimes that isn't realistic, if things aren't going how I want them or at the speed I want them to go - joy is not as easy. I know he doesn't expect me to giggle with glee when I get negative HPT's or am being overwhelmed with pain. But in the midst of that dark time He does expect me to cling to him, to have hope - to trust Him and that he is about to bring sunshine - or SONshine into my life that makes this valley a distant memory.

He is waiting for me to place my trust, my hope solely in Him. Joyful in the hope that He is about to do something amazing and beautiful in my life...whew. Job said, "Though He slay me, yet will I trust in Him..." Job 13:15

Patient in affliction - that is so hard. When time is sweeping by, with every tick of the clock my patience wanes. Come on God, I have waited long enough now so just answer my prayer so I can get on with this. TICK TOCK TICK TOCK Ok are taking toooo long, I am taking it all back and will do it myself. So here I go letting impatience hijack my hope and trust and left up to me and my own devices - alone I fail every time.

Isaiah 40:31, "But they that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint."

The beauty of God is He is there always. He forgives us, His mercy and grace is limitless. I wonder if the delays are not just the result of our lack of faith and hope in Him. His love for us knows no bounds. He became man, He came to earth and died on the cross for our sins - He didn't have to...He did that because He loves us that much. All He wants in return is for us to love Him, have faith in Him, trust that He has a plan.

Faithful in prayer. I had this one licked a while back, seemed I was praying almost all day long some days. Then when I hit bottom and 'stopped' praying, it has been not as easy - not as effortless. But now when I pray I feel it more, I cherish the opportunity to pray. When you hit rock bottom and feel like He wasn't hearing you or was ignoring you (not possible I know) prayers seem useless. I try to be faithful to pray, I have a list of requests that I pray over almost every day. I sometimes forget to pray for me because I am praying so hard for friends and family. My prayers have evolved a bit too, going from gimme gimme to thank You Lord for what You have done.

It is hard to live up to this verse some days. Life throws ugly curve balls and I can barely hit the slow pitches. The devil delights in our valleys - he thinks he can pluck us from His hand. But, he can't.

Sorry, really didn't mean to type all of that. But, that verse just took me a little off center to what I was really going to post about!

No surgery. There is a bulge there but it isn't pressing on any nerve so he said to leave it alone for now. I honestly was angry that I didn't walk into his office and hear him say "Ok...this is what is wrong and this is how we are going to fix it." He said the nerve is still healing from the last surgery - I said 9 months and it isn't healed???? He said diabetes slows down the healing process and I really need a pain clinic. Ugh I was so irritated. I called my general doc and will see him today to get a referral to the pain clinic. I really don't want to be drugged up and miss life going by. I hope they have other options. My mom made some kind of herbal 'comfry' oil for me to rub on my back and leg. Heck I would rub donkey poo on me if I thought it would help :)

My friend Leslie just lost her grandmother. Please pray for her and her family during this time. Marquita ended up in the hospital Sunday with contractions 3 minutes apart and vomiting. They gave her fluids and some meds and finally let her go home later that night. Cara is as round as a butterball. They are doing the c-section on June 6th I think. I don't think Misti has much longer to go either.


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